Chapter one.
The lights were...different, than the way I remembered. Different than the way I had imagined them. I remembered them being nothing of importance. Nothing to spectacle at. Nothing worth remembering. Things were different now. They appeared so glorious. Little bits of yellow sanctity. The meant nothing to me before everything changed. Before I was locked away.
The rain pattered outside. I could see the rain again. Part of me was reluctant to draw back the curtains and view the pattering droplets of the heavenlies. I was almost content to just listen to the pit-pat of the rain. I was used to hearing things without sight or touch of the source.
But this madness suddenly sparked in me. It drove me all the way not to the window, but the door. I fiddled with the lock for a moment or so...It was an invention that had kept me confined to a room with no bed, and no windows, and just a bookshelf with nothing on it.
I dove out the door as quickly as I could once I managed to open the lock. Rain...Never had I ever been so glad to see it. As a child, rain was nothing more than a symbol of not being able to play outside, a symbol of being confined..to the house. To toys, and books, and conversation with people who love you. I longed to have all those things back.
People. People are cruel. You tell them that something is wrong, that you hear things that scare you, and all they do is shut you up. I think I can say that I've seen the worst in people. The side of them that is more protective of their place in society, than the safety, sanity, and free mind of a young girl. After all of that I had been through, did I deserve to be angry? Probably so...but feeling the rain wash over me was a redemption. I had been put in a small chamber in the top story of the place I once thought of as a loving home. I had everything, a family, friends, a fair education, and a million reasons to be happy, and it all faded away one day.
Mary told me that I should tell someone, so that they could help me. My once beloved friend had turned against me just like that. I know she had the best intentions. I'm sure she did. She didn't know what would happen to me. Mary didn't know that my family holds what the people think as something more valuable than their child. And yet, knowing this, I couldn't help but be angry at her...or at least until now. I felt the rain pooring down on me, and some sort of forgiving state of mind came over me. Leaking through my skin and making me feel whole again. I was...happy. And the feeling was so foreign to me. I had endured, seven to eight months of feeling like no one wanted me.
Seven to eight months of cursing Mary for motivating me to tell my family about...them. Seven to eight months of cursing my family for holding me at no real value, for putting me in a chamber of endless days and nights. The maids for not helping me escape me in my time of hopelessness. Society for making me into a monster. And yet, even in my time of isolation and silence...It wasn't completely lonely. They were with me. They had been the saving grace that drove me to point of restlessness..every night. Every day.
I had to see Mary. I had to tell her that I loved her, but that I didn't need her anymore. I had new friends.
I walked into the house to collect all the money I could find, a journal, a pen, and a large travel bag. That was all I felt I would need. All that really mattered.
As I walked out of the house, and back into the pouring rain, I came to realise that I had not heard my own name in so long. It didn't even seem like it even mattered anymore. What's in a name afterall? Especially when society doesn't care much for your existance. But still, I longed to hear it.
"Helena." I whispered into the rain, and continued on to Mary's house.
