Hi I'm a chair. I'm madly in love with my owner Billy Bob.
"They're here." I say every time Billy Bob sits on me. Hes fat and his rolls be rollin. I'm really into it. Uggggghhhh yea he's so fat and juicy that his sweet sweat is dripping into my cushion.
He fell asleep on me tonight watching "Dance Moms." His drool is SEEPING into my crevasses. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM so salty yet SO sweet.
<...> Next afternoon when he woke up
Oh no he left crumbs on me..... So dirty.
He licks the crumbs off desperately.
<...> Next day.
Last night he was a little lazy and slept in *wink*
Why is he dressed so nicely? Is it a special season on Netflix?
*Doorbell rings...* Who could it be? The delivery MAN? Or could it be.....
He's running to the door.... Oh no is it that girl who showed up last week that I heard him talking about to his friend Bab on the phone.
Oh no Its Bobereta that WOMAN!!!! TRYINA STEAL MY MAN!!!!
<...>
She walks in all casually in that stripper garb. He likes it.
Why doesn't he ever dress me in stripper outfits?!
OH NO THEY'RE SITTING ON MY MOTHER!!!!! THE COUCH!!!! HOW DARE HE CHEAT ON ME WITH THAT MOTHERFUCKER! LITERALLY.
They're kissing on my mom. How dare she! OH NO NOW THEY'RE DOING THE UNMENTIONABLE!!!!!!!
Now they're asleep on my momma couch.
Must kill her. I'm scooting to the kitchen to get a knife.
