It sucks when you have friends who become like family , and then ask you to pick them or your other family who has been there for you . I feel so torn and sad right now I have to pick 1 and loose the other ones . I don't really know who to trust to love me back . I want people in my life because they love me . And I wan both families but they are making me pick which hurts so so much . I wish live could be different and I can have people who love me and not hate me all the time it hurts. It makes me so upset I have to give up on people I really love because that is not me at all but that is what they are asking me do to and it hurts . I would love to keep both of them in my life . But I guess I will go back to not trusting anyone any more to be in my life and that hurts I thought finally I could take down my wall but I can't I have to leave it up . It would be awesome to feel loved and not this horrible feeling in me . Now I will not trust anyone any more . Right now I feel really alone and confused and not sure which way to turn . I wish I was not feeling this way because I have such a huge heart for people and not to push them away which I am feeling right now . I want people to fight for me and to love me for once in my life. I wish this feeling good pass and I can love again . I wish live was not so complicated seriously . I wish I can have a family that loves and will never give up on me , I could not do that to him . When I have friends I start to really care about them a whole lot and I love being there for them but they don't feel the same way . Maybe I was put here to be hurt all the time and to be by my self all the time . But I do wish life could just be a little easier some times . I will just keep my guard up all the time now instead of trusting people I thought I could love no matter what . Some times I wish I could start over with a new name a good job and people that love me .
