The week my life changed forever, the week I lost my best friend...

Chapter 8:

Chapter 8: So I sit there and i think I was the only person that didn't shut her eyes during the prayer... As I sit there watching them shut the casket, knowing that would be the last time I saw his sweet face, that was the last time I got to kiss his forehead, the last time I got to hold his hand, the last everything. After the funeral I watched them roll him away in the casket, earlier that day I tried to prepare myself for all of that. But there is no was I could've ever prepared myself for what all I was feeling. At that moment and time, and sometimes still I wish it would've been me in that casket instead of him. As we make it to the cemetery... I watched as they lowered him into the ground, and It hit me so hard knowing he would never wake me up in the middle of the night again just to watch a movie, or just so I could get him some medicine. I will never get to check on him before I go to bed now, I can't make sure he doesn't need anything. I can't do any of those things. Still to this day there is something inside of me that will always be broken without him here. And it makes it even worse how that people will never understand that  Sometimes out of the blue I just get sad. I have my good days, and I have my bad days. I can only explain so much to others, because unless you have lived it, you will never completely understand how empty, and broken it can really make you. Still to this day I break down, I cry, I shut down, and zone out. He was, and always will be, my best friend. Sometimes I feel isolated from the rest of the world. Not a day goes by that I don't wish I could have just one more of those special talks with him again. I knew I could always tell him anything, he used to be my person. The person that I could tell all my secrets too, and the one that I knew would never judge me. Sometimes it really just makes me sad now, because I know I will never find anyone as good as him. I used to be able to tell him everything, but now I have to keep it all bottled up because others will never understand they will just think I'm crazy, or tell me to get over it. And believe me if I could, I would, but I don't how. I'm just so sad at times, it's like I'm broken but I can't fix me.  No one will ever completely understand, because sometimes I still can't understand it myself. Grieving doesn't ever really end, you just learn how to deal with it. You learn how to deal with it in your own special way. There will never be a day that I won't miss him. I just know now I can't let it consume me, I have to live my life, and deal with it, the best way I know how. To live my life that would make him proud of me. I love and miss you everyday papaw...😔💔
This is the story, about the week my life changed forever... R.i.P papaw.

Thanks for reading guys!
~love Mandy~