American Fuss

IN WHICH JIMMY COULD USE A NEW PAIR OF SNEAKERS

[JIMMY - 4:38 PM]

Hey bud check out these mashups they're fucking doooope.

[JIMMY - 4:39 PM]

Bro

[JIMMY - 4:39 PM]

Are you listenING

[JIMMY -4:40 PM]

Where are you

[JIMMY - 4:40 PM]

Are you alive

[JIMMY - 4:44 PM]

Lmao why won't you love me

[JIMMY - 4:51 PM]

PUFFPUFFPUFFPUFFPUFFPU F F

[Me - 5:30 PM]

i wAS AT WORK YOU ASS

[JIMMY - 5:31 PM]

I'm sorry pls love me

[Me - 5:31 PM]

Are you high?

[JIMMY - 5:32 PM]

aren't i always?

[ME - 5:32 PM]

You know I love you man

[JIMMY - 5:33 PM]

ily 4 man

[ME - 5:33 PM]

4 lol

[JIMMY - 5:33 PM]

You wanna fight me m8

[ME - 5:34 PM]

Alwats

[JIMMY - 5:34 PM]

Alwats Lol

[JIMMY - 5:37 PM]

yo could you pick up some chinese or like pizza im starving

VVV

I jingled the keys to the apartment before inserting them into the lock. From the other side of the door I could hear soft moans and "yes daddy"'s. Jimmy was scratching at the door. "Oh yes, deeper, daddy,,," he moaned. I rolled my eyes and opened the door hard in his face. Jimmy's key porn was cut short by the solid thump of the door against his forehead. He groaned as he rolled lazily backwards. He slowly worked his way into a squat and, with one hand on the floor and the other gripping the wainscoting, he tried to stand.

"You're high," I said.

He chortled and lifted a finger to the ceiling. "Higher than God my bro. You get some food cause I've got the munchies times ten?" I sighed and shuffled the pizza box in my hands into his face. He lit up and smiled at the sight. "Mama Mia, mi amor you're a sight for sore eyes."

I walked the pizza into the kitchen and looked at the mess of weed and strewn blankets in the living room. Blue's Clues was on the tv. I laughed under my breath and popped the refrigerator door open. "Have you been watching Blue's Clues again?" I asked. Jimmy stuffed a whole pizza slice down his throat and looked at the tv.

"Oh yeah," he replied through the food in his mouth.

I pulled a blue moon from the fridge door and opened it in the meat of my forearm, the bottle hissing as I did. I carefully lifted it to my lips and leaned against the counter. "How many of those are you planning on having tonight, Brandon?" Jimmy asked.

I shrugged and delicately swallowed. "However many it takes," I replied. Jimmy pondered my response as best he could in his wigged state. He eventually came to the conclusion to deepthroat another slice of pizza. Jimmy pushed his finger into the pizza crust and giggled to himself.

"I love the stuffed crust man, so squishy,, squishy,,," he said. I frowned and blinked repeatedly at him. "Squooshy squish squish. Oh do you like it baby, does it feel good? Oh you're so naughty." I lifted my brows and slowly closed my eyes. How the fuck did I even know this guy...? "Shit you're so fucking sexy; you make me c-c-cuuum baby girl..." My eyes went wide.

"Alright I'm gonna give you and the pizza some privacy. Try not to defile it please, I'd like to eat it later."  

VVV

"Fry goes into shake, sharks in the shake, our shark," Jimmy recited as he swirled a french fry around in his milkshake.

"Hey man when are you gonna stop fucking with copyright infringement?"

"Bitch never," he said defensively. I pursed my lips and reached across the table and snatched the fry from him. "Hey! Asshole give it back!"

"What this?" I ask rhetorically and stuffed the fry in my mouth.

Jimmy flared his nostrils. "Oh you dick,,," I laughed shortly and reached for another of his fries. "Yo you have your own stop stealing my will to live!!" Jimmy yelled and swatted at my hand like a cat bats a toy. I leaned back in the booth and rested my arms behind my head.

"So what's the plan today for you, Jimmy?" I asked while kicking his shin. He shot me a glare and looked down at the table.

"I'm trying to figure out which fork to use to kill myself with," he replied.

"Oh that's nice, how's Helena?"

Jimmy frowned and looked at me through his pursed brows. "She's fine I guess, I haven't talked to her in a couple days. Might be because of our last date,,,"

"How do you figure?"

Jimmy smirked and sighed. "I might've... tried humping a palm tree while screaming 'FUCK THE SYSTEM'!" I fucking choked on my root beer.

"Oh yeah that'll win you a one way ticket to never calling again, dumbass."

Jimmy threw his arms in the air, completely ignoring the milkshake he had in his hand. "Hey you know if I'm gonna go out with this chick I need to know I can show blatant disregard for society around her!"

I wiped my finger across the edge of the sticky table and wiped the grime off my thumb onto the cracked booth seat. "Good luck with that. Finding a chick who's as much of a rebel as you is a billion to one odds," I stated. Jimmy chewed the inside of his cheek.

"My sister's a rebel...," he mumbled.

"Oh you have a sister now?" I asked, kicking my knee up in the booth.

"Her name's Maria."

"Oh really, so will I ever get to meet this Maria?"

"Soon maybe if you'd stop being a cunt," he shot.

I shrugged slowly and laughed. "Alright, alright, I'll be good." I reached across the table for another of Jimmy's fries. This time he didn't try to stop me, he just watched my hand make its journey. "So what's she look like?" Jimmy shrugged.

"I don't know, she's weird, she bleaches her eyebrows."

"Oh that's not that bad, a lot of people bleach their eyebrows around here... like when Jared Leto was in Fight Club."

"No no, man, this is different,,, like,,, I've never seen anyone else have her fucking hair."

"Well you'll have to show me sometime."

Jimmy leaned back and kicked his heels up on the table. I looked at his feet and scowled a little.

"Hey bro, you could use a new pair of sneakers."