Retraction

Chapter 1

In every moment their is a million possibilities that we could run with. Sometimes we trip and others can either catch or dismiss us. By doing so, they either save or break the possibility your heart pushed you to run for.







"Jewel, call me back. I can help you with what you're going through. Please?" A voice is fractured too much in that machine, however, I can always tell the worried, enate tone of my best friend's voice. She has good intentions just like the others, I just don't want to hear it.

About twenty messages, just like that, are demanding my attention, but the last thing I want is to part from my solid isolation. I'm ostracising myself from the world, it's too much. I don't know what to do, my mind has stopped, my body is tense and shivers all too much in the 90 degree weather and my soul is aching from its emptiness. I've lost the one I love, my freedom, my purpose, gone. Every piercing sound makes me shutter, every memory creeps back forcing more tears. My head surges with pain after every wimper eluding from my cracked, broken lips. He was it for me, I thought he was pure, deserving of my heart. Mistakes are common, I suppose, in this insecure world. My biggest mistake must have been to trust him, to believe when he'd say he would never leave me; he would love me forever until the day I died. Now, he left me, the bastard, he left forever. No one loves me, I'm hollow, vacuous and solitary. I've made so many unforgettable, inconvenient misdoings in my lifetime but none as stupid as what I did this time. I trusted, I relied on him. What kind of idiot would accept his lies, this is his fault for leaving me. He was the one that built me up and now disappeared forever. I believed all of them, they were music to my ears, and then I learned.

I have know idea how long I've been sitting in this hunched over position. I've been living in the secure corner of my room. All the lights are off and I'm wishing for nothing more than to end it all. Sleep is impossible, and tomorrow seems to be inevitable. I feel inadequate, I'm lost and I can't comprehend what to do. First he left me, then he left everyone, never to consume another bit of air in this world.

The phone's obnoxious ring shakes me out of a haze yet again. One, two, three screams of the signal. My head feels like a lead weight and the pain produced from the sound echoing off my walls makes me fall flat and cover my ears that feel like they're bleeding.

" beep- Hey Jewel, it's Maggie. I just wanted to let you know that you have my deepest sympathies and I'm sure Jason is in a better place now. I know it's rough, don't forget we're here for you. He loved you Jewel, and I hope to see you in work tomorrow. You have to let us help you."

Work tomorrow? Anxiety flushed through me, burdening my body even more. All my coworkers would be applying their sympathetic tones all week. I know how it goes, a pile of flowers, apologies and a week of easy paperwork. I don't want their apologies, I want to be left alone forever. He never knew what he did to me when he lied the words 'I love you'. Not only that but work meant communication, which made me wince. Seeing all the happy little children skipping around me with no idea what lies before them in the future will kill me even more. They still believe in fairytales at that age, but I would know the truth of it all. Nothing more than false happiness can be found when your age continously increases. They desire nothing more than to grow, yet I desire nothing more than to be young once more and forget it all.

However, I have to live through it, I have to become thicker, self sufficient. My eye lids fluttered open, their previous crunched state influencing a stiff tug every time I blink. The last day and a half, my eyes had been flooded with an acidic poison that has stained my face, clothes and heart. I unhook my latched arms and stretch out their strained muscles until they feel confident enough to support the dead weight of my useless, tangled body. Leaning on my screaming wrist, I stretch my aching legs until I'm successfully on my feet.

Looking around, all I see is my blurred house, clothes thrown and sunlight drowned out by curtains. Usually my house is inviting, warm and hospitable. Not today, I've sat in that corner all weekend and engaged in nothing but the uncommon breath every few seconds. I need to clean myself up, though. Walking into my bathroom, I'm disgusted by how much of a reck I resemble. My eyes inflated and burned so bad by the tears they've produced, my sunblazed hair drapped down around the white, hollow looking face that looks nothing like it did when I left work on Friday, and my shaking limbs barely capable to keep me standing upright. My lips are dried and cracked in every place possible, burning from all the tears I had left fall freely down every part of my face.

The steamig water of my shower clears out my full mucus blockage, and I stand up, looking towards my ceiling, thinking about nothing before tears blur my vision once again. I can't get him out of my head, the sadness increases my emotional instability. I know that this is the reason I wont be getting any sleep tonight. I wont be getting any sleep for a long time.

My mind is disrupted with another ring of the phone and this time I have successfully consumed a warm grilled cheese sandwich and two aspirin. Walking over to the phone, all my joints are aching, but I can't stand to hear that god awful ring one more time, so I modivatedly push forward just a few more steps and reach down to pick up the phone. I hadn't noticed my shaking state until I looked down and all my fingers seemed to be frantically searching for something to steady. Pulling the phone to my face, I cleared my raspy throat and tried to breath in my congested nose before answering confidently.

Silence. I start.

"Hello?"

"Miss Jewel Linn?" A masculine, unfamiliar, voice echoed through my head. Just the sound in my unsteady mind made everything spin and I had to sit down to become reassuringly stable. My dim room slanted and my eyes were swallowed.

Breathe.

'Speaking." Dryly I respond, attempting to sound emotionally prepared for once in my livid life.

"Hi, I'm William Brillo," his humdrum voice hid a destructive secret.

"Yes, that must means you're," I shuttered at my own wrongdoing.
"were Jason's brother."

A much as a vacuous and hollow statement that was, I know this man will be entirely unharmed or moved by it. His family despised Jason and left him when he was old enough to pursue a life out of his degrading parents' house. One thing I can say, however, is that Jason had, most definitely, inherited their sick ways, if he spoke truthfully to me at all.

Frankly, I want nothing to do with him. There is no possible reason for this flat, monotonic being to be on the phone with me other than his disposability of some unimportant information about Jason's past. I know he feels no malady or unwholesome emotion, so what could I possible do for him.

"Yes, we're all pretty uprooted from this entire mess. My sympathies to you of course, I'm quite positive you knew him best of all."

Emotionless, he spoke like he was in a professional and unornamented meeting.

He is wrong, however, I didn't know Jason at all. He poisoned my mind and when I realized, I felt so out of place it made me sick.

"I'm sorry, what is it you called for? I know this must be draining you, I mean seriously, calling your dead brother's companions and coworkers is such a time wasting hassle."

Attitude, all but gracefully pulsated through my voice, and I found myself defending the man that has broke me. I can't see this conversation for-taking any better turns, so being the bigger, more immature and sensitive man, I hang the phone up and take in a deep, well needed breath. The phone is slammed onto its perch, and now, I am shaking with pure rage.

I couldn't continue to fight for him. He was dirty, and I disdain every beautiful lie he spewed out at me. I begrudged his mere touch once, but now his name spoils my mouth as it rolls of my tongue. Jason ravaged my life. Then, he walks out my door with my everything. Of course, I felt petulance. I suppose karma is all I can explain his death with, however, I don't know how to feel, because the heartache from his abandonment of me is drowned in with the pain of his death only three hours after desertion. The fact is, most people aren't aware of his using me.

'You're the waste of my life. I'm sorry we ever met. Thanks for the money J.'

That's what the bastard said to me. He said that just three hours before his death and now those sick syllables refuse me the right to forget as they race through all my thoughts, infecting every single one. I have to learn to block it out. My tears are done. Now, I don't want to recall any of it. His death has been empurpled far too much and it's killing my core. Being in this far too unwholesome condition, I feel emptied of all my contents, pillaged and violated. Pain is a word that describes it. It is a deplorable state that cannot help but put me through mental ruination like it did all weekend. Part of me believes it's all my fault, that if I'd just done something marginally different I might have been able to sustain our relationship. However, I know our relationship was built on nothing but his lies. He revealed his tragic imperfection and I showed my peevishness to a possibly despicable state. I was unsheathed to this, he stole my innocence and worth. My emotions are gone. They have been encrusted over by a burdened heart, soul and flat life.

My bed holds me tight, now. The soft, comforting blanket is intertwined through every curve of my fragile figure. Even now, after my internal dismissal of feelings, I cannot escape the anxiety that is burdening my nucleus. My heart roaring in my chest, the virus is increasing rapidly in an uncontrollable manner. I'm scared for work, to drive myself, to open up my own door and to not have a warm, friendly face greet me five minutes before I'm able to leave work. I'd never met anyone so passionate and dedicated, and all I can say for it is it was all for my money. I just need to rest my head, believe it never happened, and I know, it will never happen again.

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Please believe me when I say reading this book is going to be sad at first; this is a romance and hopefully it's going to grow on you. Any desires for future chapters and any information that you want to learn needs to be asked for. I want this book to allow everyone reading it to be extremely entertained and have a huge connection with the characters in this story. Just like a movie, I want to please your senses. Thank you for reading and remember you're making my dream come true. Please comment/vote/share for this story.