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Rachel: Honey? Ross: (looks at her)Hm? (kisses him romantically.) Ross:uh-hm-hum? Rachel: (both smile) I still got it. Joey: That's what she said! Rachel: What? Ross: Chandler taught him "that's what she said" jokes and now he's saying it to everything -Gunter comes over- Gunter: Here's a complimentary coffee Rachel! Joey: That's what she said! -Gunter looks at Joey- Rachel: Oh thanks Gunter, but I'm about to head out Gunter: Oh -Walks back behind counter near sink- Ross: Oh Gunter I'll actually take that! -Gunter looks up, smiles then dumps it anyway, Ross shrugs- (Ross goes back to reading the news paper Rachel drinks her coffee and Monica walks in.) Monica: Hey. (sits down on chair across from Rachel) Rachel: Where's Chandler and the kids? Monica: Oh, they're bonding. Chandler decided he wanted alone time with them to practice taking care of them. You know, he wants to be independent when taking care of the kids. Rachel: Ah...Is Phoebe with him? Monica: Yeah. (Rachel looks at watch) Rachel: Oh, I gotta get to work! Bye sweetie(kisses Ross on the cheek.)I'll see you tonight. Bye Mon. (Rachel walks out the door and leaves. Ross puts down newspaper and looks at the door. Then turns to Monica.) Ross: Thank god she's gone. I've been meaning to talk to you. Monica: Oh, whats up? Ross: Can you babysit Emma tonight? Mom and Dad left for vacation with the Peterson's and I have no one else to ask. Monica: Yeah, sure of course. May I ask why? Ross: Well, you know it's me and Rach's anniversary and I was planning to— Joey: Do anal! -Beat as Monica and Ross look at Joey, Joey sees they're mad, sips his coffee and looks around- Ross: No. Joey. Wait- No! No! -Joey shrugs- Ross: I'm going to propose Monica: Propose?!? Joey: Purpose what? Ross: Pur-pose Joey: What are you purposing? Like a business plan or -Ross shakes his head- Ross: You want to see? Monica: Yeah! Yeah! -Ross takes it out of his pocket and shows her- Monica: Oh my God! It's so big I could cry Joey: That's what she said! -Ross and Monica look at Joey- Joey: Oh come on! That was a good one! Monica: Now you better not have been cheap. This is Rachel were talking about. Ross: Look at this Monica; do you really think that I would buy her a ring less than ten-thousand dollars? Monica: Oh my God Ross. How much did you pay for this? Ross: Thirteen thousand dollars even. It was worth so much more but thank god I got a deal on it. Monica: What?!? How much was it originally worth? Ross: Eighteen thousand dollars. Monica: What?!?! Chandler didn't even spend ten thousand dollars on my ring! Well, at least we know one thing Ross: What's that? Monica: This won't end in divorce -She gets up and walks out as Ross looks after her- -Theme song- Chandler: Okay, we got his diaper on. Good work team Phoebe: What are you talking about?!? I had to change the atomic bomb while you hid behind the couch! Chandler: Well...I watched... Phoebe: Ugh.
(Joey walks in)
Joey: Whoa! What in the name of...something smelly happened in here?!? Chandler: We changed Jack's diaper. Phoebe: Ahem! Chandler: Phoebe! Phoebe changed Jack's diaper. (Joey stares at Chandler) Joey: What are you feeding those kids?!? Chandler: Uh, food? You know, the stuff that supposed to go in your mouth?
(Monica walks in)
Phoebe: Hey Mon. What's with the big grin? Monica: Nothing... Chandler: Monica. Monica: I don't know if I'm supposed to tell you.. Joey: You know you want to! Monica: Okay okay fine fine! Well..We as in me and Chandler, are going to babysit Emma tonight-- Chandler: And you got the giggles because it sounded so damn exciting to take care of not just two but three children? Monica: Still talking. Chandler:...Go on. Monica: We are babysitting Emma tonight because...Ross is proposing to Rachel. Chandler, Phoebe: No!! Oh my God! That's great! Monica: I know!!!. After all these years they are finally getting married. Chandler: I know I can't even-- Joey: Damn it! Chandler: What? What? Joey: I forgot to put my shoes on the right feet.. (Monica, Chandler and Phoebe all look at each other) Phoebe: Okay well I need to go Monica: Why? What's up? Phoebe: It's my weekly Friday appointment with Mr. Dansfield Joey: The man who has pictures of all those children on his wall Phoebe: Those are his grand children Joey: Phoebs, either he's a creep or he needs a new hobby! -Phoebe leaves, Ross walks in- Chandler: You think we should have told her it was Thursday? -Beat- Chandler: So Ross, you ready? Ross: I've never been more ready for anything in my life Chandler: That's what I said when I had kids -Chandler's head begins to go down and his eyes close- Ross: Chandler? Chandler: What? Oh I dosed off there for a second. What's up? -They hear a baby crying- Monica: Oh that's the kids let's go Chandler: Joy! -They both go in the kids room- Joey: You feelin' good' Ross: Yes Joey: Confident? Ross: Yes! Joey: 100% Ross: Yes! Joey: Really? Ross: Yes. What do you mean? Joey: Oh. Um. Nothing Ross: Joe, tell me Joey: Okay. Well, you're not even a little bit scared she'll say no? Ross: No. Joey we love eachother why would she... she might say no -Ross sits down- Joey: No. No. No. Ross, Ross, hey come on she'll say yes Ross: How do you know? Joey: Because Ross and Rachel are supposed to be together. Like Daffy Duck and Daisy Duck Ross: Joey Daffy Duck and Daisy Duck aren't together. They aren't even from the same cartoon Joey: Oh Ross -Chandler and Monica walk back in- Chandler: What's going on? Ross: I'm having second thoughts about this Rachel thing Chandler and Monica: What? Why? How? -Monica looks at Joey- Monica: What did you do? Ross: What if she says no? Chandler and Monica: What? Joey! Joey: Alright, Alright I'll fix this. Ross this is just stage fright. It happens to me all the time, you just got to rehearse it. Ross: Rehearse it? Joey: Yeah. Like you rehearse lines. Like, Practice on Chandler Ross: Okay Chandler: Joey I'm not -Ross gets on one knee- Chandler: Oh my God! Ross: Will you marry me? Joey: No. No. No. No. You can't just say will you marry me Ross: Why not? Joey: It's not complete. It's like a painting without a frame, a kitchen without a house, a sandwich without salami. You need to let her know you love her Chandler: This coming from the man who had sex with our twins babysitter, lied to her that he moved to Canada, then come to our apartment, while she was babysitting, and asked her for SALAMI Joey: I'm Italian what do you want from me? Now Ross, pronounce you love! Ross: Rachel - I can't do this! Chandler: Oh my God! I'm speechless I don't know what to say! Ross: Say yes! -Ross slides the ring on Chandler's finger- Chandler - Yeah sure. Monica: That ring is so beautiful. He spent thirteen thousand on it Chandler: Thirteen? Jeez I married the wrong Geller. Why did I just say that? You know on Monica's I only spent fi- -Monica looks at Chandler- Chandler: Five times that amount -Monica smiles- Ross: I got some things in Joey's apartment you guys want to help me load them into my car? Monica: Yeah, Sure -The three walk out- -Joey's making a sand which. Whistling and dancing- Joey: Where did I put the mayo? The bathroom! -Joey goes into the bathroom- -Mike opens the door- Mike: Hello? Anyone? -Mike walks around- Mike: Anybody here? I- oh look a sand which -Mike starts to eat it, Joey comes out with mayo and stops dead in his tracks- Mike: Oh hey Joe -Joey just looks at him- Mike: What's wrong? Joey: M-m-m-my my sand w-w-w-which Mike: Oh was this your— Joey: Ya-huh Mike: Oh Joey, I'm sorry, here I'll make you another -Mike starts making another- -Joey goes over, takes the bread, and tries to make it- -Joey sniffs- Mike: What? Joey: You ate my sand which Mike: Look Joe it's not a big deal Joey: Not a big deal! Okay maybe it's not a big deal to you Mr. Magician Mike: Musician Joey: AH! Joey: Mike, I think it's best you go Mike: Okay -Mike leaves and closes the door- -Door opens again and it's Mike- Mike: Do you know where Phoebe is? Joey: Didn't I tell you to get out of my house! Mike: Technically Monica and Chandler's Joey: OUT! -Mike leaves-
-Next scene is Ross in his apartment- Ross: Okay Emma, Are you gonna behave at Aunt Monica and Uncle Chandler's place? (Emma nods) Ross: I'm taking mommy somewhere special tonight. But I can't take you with me. (zipping up jacket) Okay. Your ready. Stay on the couch while I call mommy okay? (Ross takes out cellphone and calls Rachel. Phone rings three times before she picks up the phone.) Rachel: Hello? Ross: Rach, its me. Rachel: Oh, hi honey. Ross: Hi. I'm going to drop off Emma at Mon's around five thirty. I'll pick you up at..? Rachel: Seven. Ross: Lucky seven it is. Rachel: Okay, sweetie I gotta go. I love you. Ross: I love you too. Chandler's voice: I love you both -Ross looks and Chandler's in the kitchen laughing-
-Cut to Monica and Chandler's apartment, Ross knocks on the door, Chandler opens it- Ross: Hey guys. Okay, here is here her bag. There is extra clothes just in cast any spills happen. And extra diapers oh and-- Chandler: Ross, she's staying here for only a couple hours. She's not staying here for a week. Ross: Yeah I know. I'm just nervous because of tonight. Monica: So where are you taking her? Ross: I'm taking her to the old museum. You know the one I used to work at? Chandler: Because old fossils and bones turn her on? Ross: No. It's where we had our first date. Chandler: Ah. See that makes more sense. Ross: Yeah I'm gonna take her there and well I'll just tell you about it when we both come back. I gotta go get the planetarium ready. Oh before I go, you still have the ring right? Chandler: Yeah, it's on my finger -Chandler tries to get it off, it won't come off, tries again, it won't- Chandler: The rings not a big part right? -Commercial- Ross: I can't believe you got it stuck on your finger! Chandler: Me? This is your entire fault! You purposed to me! Monica: Hey, if this is anyone's fault it's his –points to Joey- Joey: Hey let's not point fingers. It's clearly Chandler's fault! Ross: Okay, well I just have to set up. Uh, Monica can you stall Rachel until they get the ring off Monica (walking out): Sure Ross (walking out too): Thanks Joey: Good luck Ross! -Ross looks back and scowls, then closes the door- Joey: You think we can somehow blame this on Emma? -Mike and Phoebe come in- Phoebe: Hey guys! Joey: Hey Phoebs -Mike behind her- Joey: Oh. Him
-Cut to Planetarium, Ross setting up- Intercom: Ladies and Gentleman, we will be closing in five minutes because of our special event. Ross: Oh you got to be kidding me -Ross continues- Worker: Excuse me sir -Ignores her- Worker: Sir Ross: Yes! Worker: We need you to get out, were closing. Ross: Okay how about if I stay and then I leave at about 10:30 11? -The Worker just looks at him- Ross: You see I'm purposing to my girlfriend and it's supposed to be the exact setting of the first date and- Worker: Sir. Do you think I give any sort of a damn? Ross: No. But for twenty dollars you do -Hands a twenty- Worker: Sir, this is a one dollar bill with a B in front of the one and an R after it Ross: So... can you let this slide? -Worker hands the bill back to him-
-Cut to Ross's apartment, Monica walks in- Rachel (voice): Who's that? Monica: It's just me. Rachel: Monica! What are you doing here! Monica: You know, just hanging out. Why are you getting married? Rachel: What? Monica: Ready Rachel: What did you say? Monica: I said ready Rachel: No you said married Monica: Oh please! You think I don't know what comes out of my own mouth Rachel: Mon, have you had any of Joey's special margaritas lately? Monica: What are you getting dressed for? Rachel: It's Ross and I's anniversary. You're supposed to be watching Emma Monica: Oh! That's why she was there! -Rachel nods weirdly and walks into the bedroom again- -Monica's phone rings- Monica: Hello? Chandler: Hey! Look we need you to keep her occupied. We'll be here for a while -Joey has his foot on Chandler's chest and is pulling his finger- Chandler: Yeah, we—ow ow ow Monica: What do I do? Chandler: I don't know. Say you're a lesbian. It worked with Carol -Monica shakes her head and hangs up- Joey: This isn't working Chandler: Really? Because I thought we were getting somewhere! Joey: I need butter Chandler: Joey eating isn't going to solve our problem Joey: No, I saw this thing on TV that said if you butter something then it'll get lose Chandler: Where did you hear that? Joey: Bill Nye the science guy! -Chandler nods, Joey goes to the fridge- -Joey comes out with butter and a drumstick, Chandler's just looking at him- Joey: What? Did you want one? Mike: Maybe I should help Joey(drops everything): Nope! Phoebe: What? Joey: Nothing. We just don't need help (points to Mike) Especially from you Chandler: Joey. What's your problem with Mike? Joey: He— -Almost cries- Chandler: Joe—are you okay? Joey: He ate THE sand which! -Chandler gasp- Phoebe: Oh Joey calm down its just a sand which? Joey: Jus-Jus-Jus-Just a sand which? This isn't just a sand which Phoebs. This is THE sand which Chandler: Once one prepares THE sand which, nobody else can touch it. Phoebe: What is the sand which? Joey: THE sand which, is not like any other, only certain people can prepare it. You need bread with crust cut off exactly in a diagonal motion, about 2 ounces of butter, 6 slices of salami all at a 90 degree angle, 8 pieces of ham folded the hamburger way, 5 pieces of balogne in a counter clockwise motion, then chease cut and distributed evenly in fourths Chandler: Yet he can't pay his cable bill Mike: Joe, come on even Phoebe agrees it's just a sand which Phoebe: Actually— Mike: Oh no Phoebe: I'm sorry honey, but that does sound delicious -Joey nods- Chandler: Anyway, if I can leave this freak show, I'm gonna check on the twins Phoebe: Ooh I'll help you -They both leave- -Joe and Mike don't say anything- Mike: I like your shirt Joey: You want to eat that too!?!
-Ross's apartment- -Rachel walks from the bedroom to the door, Monica's watching TV- Monica: Oh. Uh, Uh, where you going? Rachel: To dinner? -Dolling up in mirror- Monica: Oh. Well, um... In that? Rachel: Yes. Why? Monica: I'm just saying, you know. (sings) ugly Rachel: You got me this for Christmas Monica: Man what was I thinking! -Rachel goes back into room and comes out with another dress- Rachel: What about this? Monica: Aw I love it Rachel: Thank you! Let me just put it on. -Goes into the room- -Phoebe comes in- Monica: Hey. Did they get it off? Phoebe: No. Where's Rach? Monica: I told her to change Phoebe: Why? What was she wearing? Monica: The top I gave her for Christmas Phoebe: Oh I like that top. It's so cute Monica: Isn't it great? Phoebe: I'm going to drink wine Monica: What? Why? Phoebe: I get my best ideas while drinking wine -Monica nods- -Rachel comes out- Monica: Oh! You look great! Rachel: I know! So I'm just going to get my purse then I'll be on my way Monica: Okay. Wait No! Rachel: What? Monica: I miss you! -Rachel shakes her head and continues to walk, Phoebe comes out of the kitchen with the glass, Monica goes over- Monica: She's leaving! Phoebe: Okay I got this. Rachel let me see your dress -Rachel turns around- Phoebe: Wow. Aw. You look beautiful -Rachel smilrs- -Phoebe throws wine on her and gasp- Phoebe: Oh no! How clumsy of me Rachel: Phoebe! Monica: It's okay Rachel. You'll wear something of mine. Let's go Rachel (crying): Just keeps getting better -They walk out-
-Cut to Monica and Chandler's apartment- Joey: This sand which is not the same! -Joey throws the sand which Mike made on the fridge; Mustard gets stuck on it- Chandler: You know guys I'm having a great time trying to get this off my finger -Doorbell rings- -Joey answers it, it's Ross- Joey: What's up? Ross: The museum closed. Chandler: Great! So you don't have to purpose! -Ross looks at Chandler- Joey: So what are you doing now? Ross: I'm trying to get a table at Laguini's except they might not be able to get in. I'm just going to take Emma so that'll ease some of Rach's yelling. How's the ring coming along Chandler: Super. –Shows finger with ring still on it- we're making progress -Ross takes Chandler's finger and looks- -Rachel, Monica and Phoebe come in- Girls: Hey! -Ross quickly puts Chandler's hand down- Ross: Rach wha-wha-what are you doing here? Rachel: My dress got ruined so Monica's letting me borrow hers Ross (smiling): Oh –whispers to Monica- do you hate me? Monica (whispers): What? No she needed a dress Ross: So you decide to bring her to your apartment that has your husband wearing an engagement ring that I am supposed to use to purpose to her while we are trying to get it unstuck? Which part sounds like a good idea to you?!?! Joey: Yeah! It's like a day full of stupid mistakes -Looks at Mike, Mike scratches his back- -Rachel comes out wearing a black dress and small black dress- Ross: Wow. You look, beautiful -Rachel smiles- Ross: Now let the anniversary begin -Ross about to walk out, comes back in- Ross: What Emma? Rachel: What? What'd she say? Ross: You want to come with Mommy and Daddy! -Emma is just staring at him- Rachel: I didn't hear her say anything Phoebe: I did Mike: Me too Chandler: I didn't -Phoebe and Mike give Chandler a look- Chandler: I did too! Rachel: Well, okay. Then let's go -Rachel goes out- Ross: I'll be right there! -She leaves- Ross: Chandler you still can't get it off your finger? Chandler: How many ways are there to get it off your finger? Ross: Okay, okay, I see no other way out of this Joey: You need to cut off Chandler's finger -Chandler looks at him appauled- Ross: No. Although I should as a punishment for him being an idiot -Chandler shrugs- Ross: No. Come. Chandler: You want me to come with you to dinner? Ross: It's the only way I can purpose to her Chandler: Alright. Just out of curiosity when she says yes can I kiss her too? -Ross gives a dead stare, Monica has a dead stare- Chandler: Lesson learned don't joke with the Gellar's -Leaves-
-Downstairs, Rach is setting Emma up in her car seat- -Ross and Chandler come down- Rachel: Hey honey Chandler: Hello sweet lips -Ross gives him a dead stare again- Ross: Um... Chandler is coming with us Rachel: Really? Chandler: Yeah, you know, I'm hungry Rachel: Why do you have gloves on your hands? Chandler: Because... it's chilly Rachel: And you only cover up one hand? Chandler: Well you see that's a funny story, when I was a kid, I cooked my hand, and um, and uh, cold weathers actually good for that hand Rachel: Well okay get in -Chandler get's in- Rachel: Ross! Ross: What? Rachel: Okay Emma can come, that's fine but Chandler? Come on I thought this was supposed to be a romantic evening Ross: Look Rach, I had to Rachel: Why? Ross: I can't tell you. Rachel: Ross Ross: I'm sorry but I can't Rachel: Ross you tell me right now or we aren't going Ross: Fine. You see, Chandler and Monica are having problems -Rachel gasp- Ross: He needed to be around a happy couple like us -Rachel nods, hugs Ross, Ross repeats what he said to himself -
-Monica and Chandler's apartment- Mike: Joey -Joey doesn't say anything- Mike: Come on -Still quiet- Joey: Hey Phoebs, do you hear something? Phoebe: Yeah. It's Mike Joey: Who's this Mike you speak of? I don't know a Mike, I only know people who don't eat my sand which -Monica goes over to Mike- Monica: You want out of this? Mike: What? Monica: I can get Joey to forgive you? Mike: How? Monica: I know how to make the sand which Mike: You know? -Monica nods- Monica: No follow me, it's for your own good -Mike nods and follows-
-Cut to outside of the fancy restaurant- Ross: Well, I talked to the waiter and they said that it'll be a two hour wait Rachel: Two hour's? But Ross it's already 9 Ross: I know, I know, I'm sorry this isn't how tonight was supposed to go -Rachel sighs, it starts to rain- Rachel: It's raining! Chandler: Really? Cause I thought it was tears of joy! Ross: There's a diner over there, let's just wait in there -Rachel says okay and so does Ross as he walks over- -Chandler is smiling- Chandler: You two make me so happy Rachel (puts her hand on his cheek): Aw, honey
-Cut to Joey's apartment, Mike's sitting at the counter and Monica's going through the fridge- Mike: I made him the exact same sand which at least fifteen times, he's not going to eat it Monica: Well you don't know the secret ingrediants Mike: Secret ingrediants? What are they? Monica: Maybe another day -Mike nods- Mike: Woah, you're putting oreos in there too? Monica: I'm not proud I know how to make this okay -Mike nods- Monica: Mike get a pinch of dog food Mike: Dog food?!?! Monica: No questions asked! Mike: Okay -Gives a pinch- Mike: Why does he have dog food if he doesn't have a dog? Monica: He likes the way it taste on steak -In the restaurant- Rachel: You know what Ross? I'm hungry, can't we just eat here? Ross: But Rach we only have an hour and a half left till we get a table Chandler: Yeah Rach, if you guys want to stay out I'll just take Emma -Ross pulls him back down- Ross: No you won't Chandler: No I won't -Waiter comes over- Waiter: Hey what can I get you? Rachel: Uh yeah just get me a soda and the Mocho cheese burger Ross: Really? -Rachel scowls again- Chandler: You know I'd consider giving you my finger to avoid the awkwardness
-Cut to Monica and Chandler's apartment, Joey's at the table- Phoebe: Come on Joe he didn't mean it -Joey shaking is head- Joey: Phoebs, I'm sorry but I can't forgive him, you mess with my sand which you mess with America! -Mike and Monica come in, Mike has a plate with a napkin on top- Joey: What do you want? Mike: Look Joe, I feel really bad about eating your sand which, so— -Mike takes the napkin off to reveal the sand which, Joey gasp- Joey: Is that? Monica: Yup. With the secret ingredient and everything Mike: So, can you forgive me Joey: I'll tell you what, if I enjoy this, we're friends again Mike: Sounds good -Joey eats it, he smiles- Joey (to Mike): Friend!
-Cut back to diner, Rachel's done with her burger and is just mad- Ross: Rach you want to go for a walk? Rachel: A walk? Ross: Why what's wrong with a walk? Rachel: Ross this is our anniversary! It was supposed to be romantic and I'm sitting in a dinner and I'm pretty sure I'm sitting on gum Chandler: If it makes you feel better I'm sitting on a condom -Ross and Rachel look at him- -Chandler picks up a knife- Chandler: I wonder if I can use this to kill myself Rachel: You know what I'm leaving, bring Emma back home and sleep on Chandler's
couch -She get's up and starts to leave- Chandler: If it makes you feel better it's a very comfortable couch
Ross: Rach wait! -Rachel stops- Ross: Okay. Uhh -He just kneels down Rachel: Ross, what's going on? (Ross took Rachel's hand) -He waves Chandler over as Chandler rushes over and takes off the glove, revealing the ring Ross: Rachel, when I planned on doing this it wasn't supposed to be at some run down diner Waiter: Hey! America's top diner 2001! Ross: It wasn't supposed to be at a diner, your meal wasn't supposed to be a hamburger, and Chandler wasn't supposed to be here -Chandler nods- Ross: But Rach, all my life I have been looking for the one person I know I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. But each time I failed to find who that person was. Then about eight and a half years ago, I found you. I knew it was you. You are the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. But I had made the stupid mistake of letting you go. I hated myself for that. But right here right now, I am promising one thing to you. (both begin crying) As long as I live I will make you happier than anyone could intake in a lifetime. I will love you so much that no one in this world could experience. I want to grow old with you. I want to love you till the day I die. Rachel: Oh my God. Ross: Will you marry me? Rachel: (in tears) Yes. -They embrace and kiss as the audience cheers- Chandler(just looking around): Can we get the check please? (Marta Kauffman David Crane Kevin Bright credits) (We enter Monica and Chandler's apartment. Ross Rachel Chandler and Emma walk in.) Ross: You are now looking at the newly engaged Mr. and Mrs. Ross Geller! Everyone: Oh my God! Phoebe: Let me see your hand. Uh, its beautiful. Joey: So are you guys thinking of a date yet? Ross: Well we haven't decided yet but we- Rachel: July 16th (Credits begin) Ross: I love you. Rachel: I love you too. -Joey is crying- -Mike pats him- Mike: Joey it's okay they'll still be our friends Joey: Not that. It's just that sand which was so damn good!
