Travis the Writer

Escape

I suppose I should introduce myself. I am Jonathan. On the Internet, I typically go by Travis. It's a persona I created for myself, like an alter ego. Travis is my escape. Allow me to explain that...

I've always enjoyed writing. I remember presenting a story I wrote to my class in second grade. It was about a time traveler who went to some ancient civilization in India. I was very excited because I had created it online with a program and included character illustrations. Then in seventh grade I wrote a short story about a man searching for a wizard who lived among the fairy people. With the help of my English teacher, I submitted it to some school writing fair contest. I didn't win, but I really enjoyed the process and the idea of creating my own world. In college I mostly wrote research based history papers, one of which I presented at a national academic convention in New Mexico. I didn't think it was that great, but I seemed to have a way of impressing my professors. I remember I used to always get in Facebook arguments and leave lengthy paragraph comments on some point in religion or politics. Now I am mostly too lazy for that, but looking back I think I enjoyed the writing more than the actually arguing. The small stuff  I found fun, like finding the right word, using a comma correctly, or diversifying my sentence structure.

Writing now is more than a hobby to pass the time. It's a way of escape into a place where I can be me and express myself freely. Sometimes I can get can depressed or lonely. It's easy to feel like no one cares about me, even though that's not true. I suppose it's really that the people I want to give me attention just don't. Sometimes, I look back and think, "What have I really done since graduating? Why is no girl interested in me? Why don't I have a stable job?" I can find myself caught in these downward spires of self-doubt. I start to evaluate all my mistakes in life and try to figure out where it went wrong. Maybe I chose the wrong major. Perhaps I am just not assertive enough. I suppose it could be that nothing is really my fault and I am too hard on myself.

I often think about what I am actually good at in life. After considering everything, I always come back to writing as my strong point. It's got me through everything academically and helped me get every job I needed. Sometimes, I've gotten in a bit of trouble writing too much of what I feel.  Nevertheless, writing is always what brings me some strange sense of comfort and purpose.

I can write an academic paper on most any topic, but that doesn't fulfill me. What I really desire is a sense of belonging and adventure. I cannot always have this in reality. I am a Christian and I go to church, but I feel like an outsider there. I agree with most of the theology and people are nice, but no one really relates to me. Almost no one tries to talk to me outside of church. Sometimes I don't know who all my real friends are.

So, I am forced to create my own reality by writing fiction. In my stories I project myself on the hero. I give him the life I want for myself. The friends, the adventure, the fun... I create a hero not primarily to inspire others, but to inspire myself. I give myself hope by believing in my fantasy. I try to live an adventure through my characters. I hope to have a sense of control by directing the fate of my protagonists. Even if my fulfillment is only an illusion in my mind, it is enough to make me happy. It's an escape to make me forget the sad reality around me for a time. I think most people play video games or drink for the same reason. We preoccupy ourselves with hobbies to distract us from the reality we don't want to face. My hobby is a creation of my mind. It's a reflection of my deepest thoughts and secrets. Writing is the best way I know to express myself to myself.

For a scene, I will draw from past events and people in my life and reconstruct then to my liking. For a villain I will pick the person I despise most in life at the moment and exaggerate their vices. My stories are like a hidden diary of my life written in a language only I can read.

Most people think that make believe is for children. There comes a point that the majority think it's immature to focus on what cannot land you a real job. Our distractions from reality become costly wastes of time. Sadly, there is some truth to this. We all have bills to pay. Life simply doesn't operate the way our imagination does. We cannot all be career authors, movie directors, or musicians... But I think it's healthy for everyone to have a way of escape, a way to be honest with ourselves. I choose to do this through Travis. Jonathan is the struggling teacher who still lives at home. Travis is real me who orchestrates the worlds of many men, elves, and goblin folk.