The only thing I wanted was freedom. I got that. I was now free from my father. As soon as I turned 18 I was able to make my own decisions. So I ran away. I left my family. Even the most important people. I left them behind.
Now, I live in a small apartment in Arizona. It hasn't always been home, but it was worth a try. I stole some of my father's money, just enough for a plane ticket, and made my journey. Then, I applied for a job as a wedding dress designer. It's been four years, and he still hasn't found me. Things were going well. But not my inner thoughts and feelings.
I still sometimes missed my family on cold nights. It was hard. I really missed them. But I couldn't show it. To my father, it would be a sign of weakness. Then he would be right, and I had to be humiliated by his lectures. But I had a reason to run away. He couldn't blame me for running away because of his abuse. Well, he was my father. It was hard to argue with him.
Deep down inside, I really did want to go home. I missed my brothers, and how we used to wrestle in the backyard when we were younger. Or how we would always sneak out in the middle of the night and go to concerts, or just for a midnight stroll.
I missed my mother most of all. I missed her and how she always did my hair perfectly for going out in public. She was the perfect person to talk about my feelings to. She understood me like no one else. She was practically my best friend. And that's exactly why I was afraid of leaving. I missed my family too much.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. No need to think about the negative side of the story. Just think about how running away made your life better.
With thinking about the positives, it quickly left my mind in a blink. Now, I just had to get ready for my lunch date with my best friend. I took a long hot shower first. And I just sat there for a while. Still, thinking about life a few years ago. Those memories still never left my mind. I couldn't change that. They were life changing memories. Almost like nightmares.
When I was done with my shower, I got dressed in a plain green shirt, and some ripped shorts I wear almost everyday. I put on some light makeup, did my hair and headed out for the day. I grabbed my car keys, locked the house, and drove to meet up with my best friend.
Fear started creeping up on me all of a sudden. I just had a strange feeling I was being watched. Maybe it was just my anxiety. I wasn't fully used to the fact that my father raped me in my childhood. Maybe that was it.
I kept driving, even though that feeling kept bothering me every few minutes. I wasn't going to let that get between me going to lunch with
my best friend. I had to keep driving. Even though I was feeling a little dizzy, I couldn't let something 'scary' get in the way of my plans. It wasn't even real was it? That feeling building up inside of me? It wasn't real, I was just imagining.
I finally got to the restaurant and raced inside to meet my best friend. I saw her waiting on the far end in a corner, right next to the window, perfect view. Just how I liked it. You had a perfect view of the red rock mountains in the distance. The trees swaying from the early morning breeze. It was perfect. It was home.
"Hey." I greeted her, taking a sit across from her.
"Hey, Val." My best friend, Laura, returned.
"So is anything happening between you and Mac? I know I shouldn't be asking, but I just wanted to see if you're doing okay." I asked, wishing I didn't say it after all.
"Yeah, that's why I called you down here," She began. "He's been shutting me out lately, he's being very ignorant, and I don't know why. I have this strange feeling he's cheating on me. I know I shouldn't think of it that way, but the way he's been acting... Val, I don't know what it is, it's making me scared."
