George didn't expect much of his life. He come to be rather complacent with the ways things had turned out to be. He wasn't unhappy, per se, just very uninspired by the world around him. He found himself with little more than vague enthusiasm toward...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Matty couldn't deny that he'd felt his whole world turned right on its head in the space of the past few days. He didn't want to put himself down as the kind of person that let people change him, but as the days came to pass, he found that perhaps more than anything else, he just didn't want to be the person that never let anyone change his mind. Perhaps it was all a long time coming: the ability to see the world from someone else's eyes, or perhaps it wasn't necessary at all. Perhaps that wasn't up for him to decide.
Perhaps he didn't need to have everything figured out, perhaps he wasn't here to change the world, but just indeed himself. The latter even sounded so much more plausible as he came to ponder it. The fact of it all, however, was that it had turned everything over, it had brought about a horrible sickening feeling that was set deep in his stomach, because if he'd been wrong about one thing, then what was to say that he hadn't been wrong all his life.
What was to say that his life was any more than a seriously planned and co-ordinated series of mistakes that he'd just decorated over, hidden away - like icing on a burnt cake - something like that. What was to say that he'd never been anything but wrong? What was to say that he hadn't just been an idiot for years, yelling bullshit about bullshit? What was to say that he wasn't exactly the kind of person he'd always so despised?
It cut into him, like a knife, twisting around inside him, between his organs and right into his ribcage. It was an unsettling, lingering feeling - uncomfortable, hanging over him, and so desperate to break him in two, but if Matty found that he came to stand for anything at all anymore, it was keeping himself afloat and putting himself back together again, even if it was with slightly different pieces.
Perhaps George had been right all along, perhaps George had known more than he ever could have, and despite everything else, George had stayed with him - George had taken him home, George had given him his number, George had sat with him that one day in the park, George had offered him a place at his flat. Most of all, George had only gone to tell him the truth for him to throw a fit and fuck off for a few days. Further so, after that, George had waited for him to return, George had worried, and George had let him back in. Not just to his flat, but to his life again.
It was George that had understood kindness and compassion, and with that, Matty did wonder if George would understand more about the world around them than Matty ever could.
The thought did unsettle him; it was down to uncertainty and the way it had been so swiftly brought upon him. Matty wasn't sure as to just what it was in him, but there was something so very determined to figure it all out - what was behind this all, who put them here, if anything, if anyone. Just what it meant to live, just what it meant to be happy, and indeed, whether he'd been wrong in the series of rash, perhaps less than considerate decisions he'd come to make, because as much as he came across as the arrogant kind of confident, idiotic kind of brave, kind of beautiful, dickhead, in that all, he so desperately feared being wrong, and so desperately feared everything he'd done that had ended up hurting the people he cared about.
