Cracked Up

Ace

I squeeze my eyes shut.

His face is too pale, his hands are trembling, and his eyes are unfocused.

"Ace..."

My eyes fly open.

"Connor?"

"Ace..." He turns about in his cot and almost falls. I catch him just in time. I try to put him back, but he has a death grip on my shirt.

"Connor, let go-"

"Ace, you can't leave. You can't go. Don't leave. Don't-"

"I'm not leaving, Connor, just-"

And then he's gone again.

He's slumped in my arms, breathing so shallow I almost thought he wasn't breathing at all.

I lift him back into his cot and lay a blanket over him gently. I brush a bit of his hair away from his face, and my hand lingers. His skin is so soft.

The door opens, and my hand retracts so fast, I crack my wrist. I wince, and Tess notices.

"Were you about to kiss him and awake him from his slumber like in Sleeping Beauty? Because lemme tell you, Connor's no beauty. At least, not when he sleeps."

I look back at Connor. His face looks peaceful, his eyelashes long and stretching, his fingers curled. I resist the urge to trace the creases in Connor's hands.

Tess sighs. "Connor has always been too much. Too much for me, for his parents, for everyone and anyone."

I turn back and peer at her. "What do you mean by that?"

"Connor has a condition. He gets these.. attacks. We call them a 'spaz'. It's kinda like a seizure, but he doesn't shake violently. Instead, her- I mean, his brain activity goes off the charts. We recorded one once, and his brain was going haywire. Memories from the past and thoughts and basically everything and anything he has going on up there flooded. His thoughts flooded. Like, they were kept at bay, and then the gates caved. All the brain activity makes him have a spaz."

I turn back to Connor, my eyes wide. "Is there any possibility that one day, he might not survive a spaz? That it'll be too much for him?"

Tess sighs. "There's always that possibility. That's just something I, Connor, and everyone else in his life have to deal with. It's something you have to deal with."

I squeeze my eyes shut. "I don't want to deal with it. I don't want to deal with this."

"No one asked if you want or didn't want this. No one cares enough to ask, because that how life is."