So guys. As you may know...
I started writing Warriors: Revenge again.
I want to compare the original chapter in Warriors: Fury (275 words) to my new chapter in Warriors: Revenge (1,173 words). Both are on the same topic, but one is longer by around 900 words (XD)
Original version:
Blossompaw padded through the hunting grounds of StarClan, basking in warm sunshine. StarClan really is paradise...
She sat near her brother. He didn't see her, and was talking to his new StarClan friend, a she-cat named Lightpaw.
"Every time I see Blossompaw, I feel so guilty. I was the cause of her death. She would have fought back if she wasn't injured! I just wish I didn't have to feel so guilty..." Darkpaw meowed.
Blossompaw twitched her ears towards Darkpaw. Huh?
"It's so hard, because I hate guilt. If I didn't have to see her-"
Blossompaw jumped out at him. "So that's how you feel. You don't want to see me!"
Darkpaw looked up at her. "No! It isn't like that! It's not that I don't want to see y-"
"It's exactly like that. You just said you didn't want to see me. You're-" Blossompaw's voice quivered. "You're as bad as Thornstrike!"
Darkpaw looked at her, a confused look on his face. "What?"
"You won't have to ever see me again." Blossompaw turned and ran, ran to what she was looking for. She knew that if she made this decision, she could never go back.
She was looking for the Dark Forest border.
When she arrived there, she took one careful step towards it.
Do I really want to do this?
My life has been so hard! I wish I could just-just-just get away from it all!
I'm leaving StarClan.
She tentatively took a step across the border, and another.
Soon, she was gone, only a few paw prints left in her trace.
Author's Note: Sorry for the extremely short chapter :T
And there is is: 275 words.
The new version is way better (in my opinion).
Here it is:
Maple sat by the Twoleg den, looking for Toad. She was sure that he would be happy about her plan of revenge.
"Toad?" she called, staring through a glassy substance outside of the den.
His head popped up and was visible through the glassy surface. Maple couldn't see his face, as it was tilted away from the glassy surface.
As Maple edged closer to the weird, glassy surface, she could hear a faint and somewhat distorted meowing, which she assumed came from Toad. Trying to decipher it wasn't easy, but Maple guessed he wanted to go outside, probably to see if she was around the nest somewhere.
Her tail swished along the ground impatiently. She needed a plan, and Toad was her only remaining sibling- well, not counting Thornstrike, but neither of the two siblings counted themselves as his brother and sister, not anymore- who could help with her plan to attack the Clans. To make them sorry.
She reflected on everything the Clans had done to her.
Unfair exile, which led to Darkpaw's death. Killing Blossompaw when they knew she was injured in her hind leg, which led to us running away. That led to a Toad becoming a kittypet. The actions that they have done to make our lives miserable will backfire on them. I will make sure of it.
The Twolegs weren't letting Toad outside, so Maple turned and padded away to ponder her plan. How will I make this work? she was wondering when she came across a river.
I remember this river! It was close to the Twolegplace- the one Maple had tried to cross before Toad was taken away from her.
Could I swim across? Maple wondered briefly. I could try.
Taking a deep breath, she placed her right forepaw into the water. She followed with her left forepaw, and then her right hind leg. She tentatively placed her left hind leg into the water.
