Perfect Daughter

Most people expect there to be a reason.

'You were touched as a child'
'You hear voices'
'You were abused'

And when there isn't, you're an anomaly. I wasn't raped. I didn't watch a traumatic car accident. I didn't have an abusive boyfriend.

Naturally, it was a shock to the world (read: the 2 people in my world) when I had cut my wrist vertically. That was two years ago. I copped the therapy and medication. What I didn't cop was the constant question.

'Sage, tell me, why did you do that?'

Because I don't have a reason. I wasn't broken up with. I'm not dependant on drugs. Nobody forced me to do it. Apparently 'I did not attend school for two weeks and nobody noticed' isn't reason enough. It just makes you needy. 'I had 4 assignments due in one week' was met with study guides and a personal tutor.

But I'm better now! My grades are pretty good, I have a casual job, I sleep, I have a solid girlfriend, and I smile a lot and have a great attitude.

I'm a fucking con-artist and it is really disgusting. I'm a liar. I'm lying to the world. I'm lying to my parents. My teachers. My $200 an hour therapist. I can't fool myself, but I'm sure able to trick the world. I'm not better.

Guess what world? I self harm still! But it isn't on my arms so clearly it doesn't count. I'm the perfect high schooler who has dreams of medical school and and countless degrees. Just check my thighs, I've etched all my desires on there. Each scar is a little story.

Is it fucked up that little Sagey loves her scars?

Is it fucked up Sagey wants to end her own life?

Is it fucked up Sagey has blades hidden in over 12 places in her room.

And she can't even remember where they are.