Everyone remembers their first time. No matter how good or bad it was, no matter who the guy was, how old he was, no matter how beautiful or unpleasant it was, we all remember the first time, and our first time is the most vivid memory out of all of them. We remember every little detail, every sound made, every nook and cranny of the room, every little breath and sweat-drop of the guy, all the emotions that go with it. There are a whole collection of the other times, which were more remarkable or interesting or heart-pounding than the first, that we won’t remember as well. And I sure as hell remember my first time, not that it was the best one, but I suppose the most gets done the first time round. It’s that first time that changes you the most.
I remember mine like it was the most recent one I had. I’d always wanted to do it, but I felt too anxious or worried to get it done. But my friends, most of whom have had done it before, maybe several times, forced me into this, so here I am. I'm in my gown, standing in the room with my guy. All the preparation for this has been quicker than I thought, thankfully, I wasn’t that keen on all the other stuff, y’know. So, I'm just standing there, next to where I'm soon going to be lying down while he does his thing, and I'm bare-ass naked except for the green gown I'm wearing (not that I walked in here like that, I've got my clothes left neatly by the door).
I'm reeling it all in as it’s happening, standing there, waiting for it start if it hasn’t already. I'm kinda excited, but I'm kinda not. I don’t know, I've got expectations which I know aren’t going to be met, at least not the first time, I hope. The guy, he’s making orders in this procedure, he just looks at me blandly and starts telling me to sit down. Alright. So I do, I'm sitting down, my legs apart, and he sits down right in front of my vagina and gives it a good hard inspection for a considerable amount of time. What, does he need to prepare a route? A plan of attack? Whatever. I just sat there, averting my eyes away from him, trying to conceal, what I thought was rather adeptly, my excitement and also a bit of my nervousness. I wasn’t really keen on this guy, he looked too motivated, looked like he had done this a million times. I bet he had. And now with him doing me for the first time, well, that kinda made me feel like an inadequate amateur.
Just as I see him preparing to make his way inside of me, I lie down on my back and stare at the ceiling and the fluorescent lights, careful not to see this act. As soon as I lay down, I felt two of his closed fingers smoothly enter my vagina. I took deep breaths, none through my nose, which made uncomfortable sighing sounds. He kept talking to me, telling me what he was doing, like I wanted to know. I gotta admit, I wasn’t really enjoying this right now, I wasn’t having a ball, I kinda felt like this whole thing was overhyped. I didn’t like this guy, I didn’t like him seeing my vagina and putting his fingers or anything else inside of it, inside of my body. I just wanted it to be done so I could go out and tell Keira and Maddi and say it was done. They were outside, the whole time, waiting for me, can you believe it? I think that when I'm done, my story to them would probably differ from what happened; I’d have to change certain aspects like make the guy more attractive, more assured in what he was doing, and I’d have to make myself sound more relaxed and calm when it went down.
He had taken his fingers out of me and was still talking to me, telling me what he was going to do, and I kept saying “fine” but I wasn’t really listening, I was just thinking. I guess I wasn’t listening when he told me when he was gonna put his thing into my vagina because it was a shock to me when I felt the sharp pain. It throbbed like crazy and stayed that way, as he stuck it into me and continued down past my vulva. Through the opening? The hole, whatever it is. It’s where it’s supposed to go, I presume, why does it hurt so much? I guess it can hurt the first time. That’s what Sarah said. Nicole said it was after the third time it stopped hurting for her. Then I thought about what Nicole said about Daisy, how when she did it for the first time she bled! Bled like crazy, got the whole bed all gooey. Shit, I had forgotten about the whole blood issue, I suddenly started hoping it wouldn’t happen to me. I pursed my lips together and breathed through the tiny gap I’d made for myself. I was supposed to not feel this bad down there, I felt so numb, and I guess I didn’t really feel movement down there, at least not on my vagina skin, the labia or whatever. But I could feel this awkward, specific discomfort deep within in. It’s kind of a hard thing to describe, but most girls know what I'm talking about.
Now I closed my eyes. The pain kinda subsided, just a bit, but I could feel pressure inside of me. God, he was a bit rough. I mean subtly rough, it’s not like he was jamming that thing in and out of me, he was just not too careful with it once it was inside. I felt rather sensitive in there. I hope with him doing this to me, it will strengthen the nerves or something so that it hurts much less next time. And then it was over. Oh. Sooner than I thought, like most of these sorts of things turn out to be. He had finished and taken it out it out and told me it was done; I didn’t even feel that. I sat up but he continued talking to me, telling me not to get up so soon. What’s with him, telling me what to do? It’s my body, I know what to do with it and what’s good for it, I can tell for myself. Though I did feel a bit of a cramp as I sat up, not that it was unbearable, mind. I moved my knee and saw him flip open a small silver bin and chuck it in. Whoops, wasn’t planning on seeing it after all, but there you go. Didn’t get a good look, but to me it looked kinda like a ... well, you’re gonna hate me for saying this ‘cause it sounds so gross but ... it looked to me like a piece of deep-fried chicken covered in sour sauce. You know, the kind from the Chinese restaurant. Sorry about that, heh, I guess if I had taken a proper good look at it, which I sure as hell wouldn’t want to do, I would’ve spoke differently about its appearance, but from my brief glance that’s what it looked like to me.
I got off the bed, cleaned myself up (yeah, there was a little bit of blood), got changed, and it was then when I started to feel what just happened really kick in, really feel accomplished, like all this meant something, that it was worth it. He bid me goodbye and I told him without looking at him “see ya later”, which is kinda funny when you get it. I got out the clinic, still feeling a bit woozy from the date-rape drug they fed me, and there was Maddi and Keira, and Derek had showed up too, how embarrassing. Maddi and Keira ask me how it went, he just remains silent, and I tell them my story. Y’know, a little different than how it actually happened, remember, but pretty much the gist of what happened. They asked me if I enjoyed it and I kinda hesitated on it and I did admit it was a bit painful (but I still downplayed just how painful and uncomfortable it really was) and they sympathised with me, telling me their first time was painful and it seemed that as we walked from the clinic to the nearby bus-stop, they were gonna relay their stories again to me, for the thousandth time. They didn’t realise that those stories didn’t sound much different to me now that I had mine done. I zoned out as they went on and I began thinking about my own story. I hadn’t had the best time and it was kind of a disappointment, really. I was already not looking forward to next time, or any other time, with the discomfort still reeling in me, but I knew I would not be able to avoid another appointment. Oh well.
