The Jump

Connor

"This is it" I said to myself, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna kill myself.
 
I stood there on a bridge, watching the headlights of cars below me go by. The bridge I was standing on was old and abandoned. It would take someone a awful long while to reach me.  I took a deep breath and slipped over to the edge, feeling the wind from the cars pick up.
 
  "Connor" I looked around when I heard my name, letting my fingers grip tightly to the edge "don't come closer" I yelled, it was dark and I couldn't see the person the voice belonged to "Connor, I'm as close as I'll ever be" it took me a moment but then I realized, the voice was in my head.

"Who are you?" I asked the voice, it laughed a sweet laugh "silly Connor, I'm you, I'm your conscious" the voice sounded sweet and soothing.

"I guess you know what I'm gonna do, don't you" I asked, instead I got nothing from the voice just a small sigh "can we talk about it first" it asked "no, you're not gonna get me to change my mind" although a small part of me wanted to have a conversation, even if it was with the voice in my head.

***************

"Why are you doing it?"  The voice asked.
"To finally make everyone's life better"
"Are you sure Connor? It seems like the most common answer everyone says before they end it."

I looked at my shoes, the ones my mom bought me for Christmas.

"Your thinking about your mother" the voice said softly, "yeah" "what do you remember about your mom Connor?" The voice asked, I looked up in the sky as my brain gathered the memories of my mother "I remember how she always said she wanted a girl, I guess I disappointed her"  that feeling never went away, she would bring it up while looking at dresses and watching my cousin Melina. It hurt me to know I wasn't what she wanted. "Connor, your mother loves you"
"She would of loved me more if I had been a girl" I said sharply. "Okay, what about your friends" the voice said "wouldn't they miss you?."
The only friends I really had was Carol and Dolton. They were the twins from down the road. I liked Carol a lot but she was into the bad boys and me being me, I didn't meet her standard.

"You like Carol don't you?" The voice asked. I nod "did you ever tell her?" I shook my head yes again "and what happened" I sighed trying not to remember the night or her angel like face
"She told me, she didn't feel the same"
"I'm sorry Connor" the voice said shamefully.

************

"Voice?"
"Yes Connor?"
"Do you have a name, I guess since your my conscious"
The voice laughed and it made my heart flutter. "You can give me what ever name you choose" I took a moment and thought real hard, I haven't really named anything other than our dog Macy. "What about Maxine" "whatever you so choose Connor"

**********

"Connor?"
"Yes?"
"Tell me about your life"
I sighed, "what's there to tell? I mean my life has completely went down the drain."
"What do you mean?" The voice asked
"I hurt everyone I love and everything that matter Maxine"
"You haven't hurt me Connor"
"Not yet Maxine. Not yet"
And honestly I didn't want to.

*********

"Connor, it's getting cold, have you changed your mind?"
"No"
"What finally made you break?"
I closed my eyes and thought back to this morning
"My mother told me I was turning into something else"
"Were you acting like someone your not?"
"I think so, I don't know anymore"
The voice sighed "I think I know what your really doing Connor"
"What"
"Your running from the truth and yourself"

********

"Connor, did you leave a note?"
"What do you mean?"
"Did you leave a suicide note"
I nod my head
"What did it say?"
"Dreariest family, I'm sorry you had to find out this way but I decided to bid this world a fair goodbye and jump off the bridge, I want you all to know that it's no ones fault, I just couldn't take this anymore. There are far more better things to cry about than my selfish act I hope you all get what your wanting out of this life
~Connor

"Maxine are you crying?"
"I just hope you got what you wanted from this life Connor"
Looking back I came to realize I did but getting what I want didn't make me wanna stay

*********

"This is it Maxine" I said
"Are you sure Connor? Is there anything else you need to say?"
"Yeah, Maxine, thank you for being my friend in such short time. If you were real id hug you"
The voice didn't say anything
"Any last words Connor?"
I nodded my head
"May god bless you
And the angels protect you
But my work is done here"
The voice said nothing
"Goodbye Connor"
"Goodbye Maxine"

**********

Connor Alexander was found this morning, the cause of death appeared to be suicide, the boy appeared to be seventeen, his parents have been contacted and a police investigation will be active
~Agent Maxine Whitaker