My Life Was Prison, In Prison I Was Free

Part 4

Ghetto life was all about drugs, there was no time for food. Anything you bought was shared among your boys who were ever high and skinny due to hunger. I remember this one time when we robbed a church. How I shot the priest's shoulder as he delayed opening the safe and my boys were all over cursing me for opening fire with no resistance. They fled as they shouted that I have alerted the police. As they were running, this old man looked into my eye and told me, "You were not destined for this. You were destined for something bigger. You are a good person. You seem like it. Please come back, this time not to steal but I will give you something bigger." I was convicted about these words. I asked him what he knew about me and he told me that he was sure that my friends were going to die that day but I will be spared. As I was running out he shouted to me, "Boy, use this other way. I was not slow because I was old, I had already pressed the buzzer. I was buying time, your friends will be shot dead by the police. Go home. Think about your life"

"And why should I trust you? Are you God?" I asked jokingly.

Sirens filled the air and an exchange of gunfire outside alerted my ears. I thought, "If this old man is telling the truth or lying, I would be dead anyway." I used the dungeon and escaped. I rushed back to the hood and found all the guys in anticipation. They asked me where the rest were since they heard about the exchange of fire. It was then that they saw in breaking news that Mat and Dave were killed. One, Bird came and punched me on the face cocking his gun and digging it to the back of my head. His words that I was a traitor, a hired gun were so vehement that made me tremble uncontrollably. He asked me of how I managed to escape. All the rest followed suit saying that I was not man enough to leave my family to die in cold blood as I enjoy their women. It was then that Baddy came to my rescue reminding me of our biggest mission which that was to stop my father and Juno. The gang split into two accusing Baddy of being a traitor. They resolved that they should either shoot me dead and bury the hatchet or send me away unscathed but never to be seen in the hood.

They sent me away. I went to live deep in the slums, a different hood altogether. I had rough times with our rival gangs and I had to hide in The Crow Spit's loyal joints. I was sheltered by a stripper at one of the joints. I was suffering withdrawal effect from the drugs I used to take. I was always hallucinating. I could not get out as my life was in danger. I was lost, bereft and thought of going back to my father. His words were now live in my ears. I wished to be his slave. I wished to be one of Juno's men.My vacuous self made me resent my life. I was beaten by the bullies, brushed off by the mighty and reduced to the size of a whisker. I tried to commit suicide to no avail. I was depressed and thoughts of visiting the priest bombarded me but my pride wouldn't let me bow down to a God I had not seen. I knew that my dad was my God and if I made things right with him, I would be much better. One day, the stripper who housed me came with another man in the house and a strife ensued between us. I broke everything in the house as I struggled to beat the man off. I was weak. I had nothing to live for. The man kicked me on my side and broke my ribs. My face was in a pretty bad shape and was full of blood. He drew his gun and pointed at me. The lady screamed and begged the man not to kill me.

I loved to witness my death. I yelled to the top of my voice asking the man to kill me as he would be doing me a big favor. He threw me off the glass window and fell into the mud. It was raining. The ground was cursed for me. The clouds were raging in anger and the thunderous sky was yelling at me. The heavy downpour was washing my blood away into the trajectories of an ugly and a sinful nature of self. I stood up and started walking, drowning in muddy waters mixed with effluence from the sewer. As I was struggling through alleys of darkness, thoughts started streaming through my skull. My head was pounding in pain and I started hallucinating. I saw my father dressed in white with a gold crown on his head saying, "I told you loser that I am king." Again, Jane pulled me and said, "No. He is not king. He is evil." The priest would then tap my back and say, "Son, rethink your life. You are not a loser, you have not lost it yet." I would see Sally telling me of how much of a loser I was and how lost I was. Edna would then cry in pain as she sympathized with me telling me to apologize to dad.