For me it's hard to feel much, emotionally that is. I'm surrounded by people who are bubbly,social and everything I'm not. That makes me envious,cause I want to be like that. People debate wether it is better to be emotional or to be unemotional. For me I think it's better to be emotional. I think that when you are emotional, not only do you feel everything, but you see the brightness in everything. You take nothing for granted. Does that make sense? Probably not. Let me try and explain what I "feel". I don't feel much. I don't really feel happiness or anger, or even sadness. It's like I've created a box in me, and locked away all of my emotional feelings in there. What I do feel though is fear. The fear of being left all alone. For that I pretend. I try to fit in with all my friends, so I never get left behind. But sometimes it doesn't work, and when it doesn't work this bubbling feeling that suffocates me comes up, it makes me fear, fear of being alone. When I think I feel it to much, I lock it all away into my box. I want to feel, I would look at the sky and ask the man in the moon to let me feel. Maybe the world wanted to help me. I don't know yet. There's a guy. But when isn't there a guy. Sure I've dated guys, but that was to try and create an emotional bond, but it never lasted. But he was different. He made me feel things I had never felt before. I slowly started to like him. I was "happy". But all happy moment come to an end. Even though the world gave me home, he was not mine.
