Well I tried to join you pumpkin, I really did, apparently life had other plans. The snow is falling all around and as I look out the window of my dark lonely house I can't help but remember the first time years ago when we first played in the snow together. You face planted right into it after running too fast in the cold white powder and I couldn't stop laughing long enough to help you up and you sat up shaking the snow off with an adorable pout. The memory to this day still makes me laugh. Even with the mood I've been in since you left this world, several memories of you still can bring a smile to my face as if you were still here.
Today is your favorite holiday pumpkin, it's Christmas. I'm in no mood to celebrate of course. It's my first Christmas without you. You would always wake up at the crack of dawn on this holiday to set up the presents and you would always write 'from Santa' on at least one note card and attach it to a gift every year, mostly because before I met you I never had a proper Christmas. You would also make breakfast too. Yours would be pancakes with strawberries on top and mine would be topped with bananas. I would always hold up a slice of banana to your face just to watch you flip out and make a disgusted face. I would always end up in tears from laughing so hard at your reaction especially because you always had the same one! You know pumpkin, bananas are good for your health.
I finally made my way downstairs and broke down for a moment when I noticed I didn't even put our plastic fake tree up. Do you even remember how many ornaments you broke?! At least 5 a year! It's okay though, I would give anything to hear a shatter followed by a loud "AH CRAP!" Actually, I would give anything just to hear you say anything.
Do you remember our first christmas when you accidentally got me several things I already owned? I could not stop laughing as I opened up gift after gift only to inform you I already owned it and you would put your head down in shame before I would tilt up your
Chin and look into those perfect emerald eyes and give you a kiss on those perfect soft lips of yours. That was one of my favorite Christmas' mostly because you tried so hard for my sake.
I went straight for the kitchen and I swore for a moment I smelled pancakes before I made anything. I decided to make them myself after that. I made sure to put strawberries on it, just for you. I also made hot chocolate, your favorite. I never got around to drinking it though since I quickly lost my appetite when I noticed one of the strawberries was in the shape of a heart. I must have instinctively cut it that way out of habit like I would do for you.
When I finally moved from the lonely kitchen and sat down in the
quiet living room I noticed something on the floor next to the couch, a little note card that said 'from Santa' on it in your handwriting. It must have fallen out of a box of keepsakes when I was cleaning yesterday. That, or it's a sign from you, My perfect Angel. Merry Christmas pumpkin. I wish I were with you.
