~ Chapter 3 ~ Loved Is Past Tense

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~ Chapter 3 ~ Loved Is Past Tense

Two mornings later, while I was brushing my teeth there was a knock on my front door. I groaned and went to go answer it. I was still in my humongous t-shirt, no bra no pants, and my hair tied into a very messy bun. Kleo pranced about at my feet like she did every time I went to answer the door.

Without looking through the peep hole I unlocked the door and pulled it opened. My jaw dropped with my toothbrush stuck in my mouth.

Adonis was standing in front of my door, in the hall way, in a blue t shirt and jeans. I regained my composure and tried closing the door but he pressed his hand against the door, blocking it.

"Can we talk?"

"We have nothing to say to each other." I mumbled and slowly went back to brushing my teeth.

"Please." He pleaded and I sighed before letting him in. I went to my bathroom and he followed me. I stood there awkwardly brushing my teeth as he watched.

When I finished I went back to my kitchen and made some green tea in my kurig.

"You wanted to talk, so talk." I turned around and faced him while it was brewing into the cup.

"It's great to see you." He smiled. When I didn't smile back his fell and he coughed awkwardly. "About 4 years ago." He rubbed the back of his neck.

"It's cool." I shrugged and grabbed my tea, throwing the tea cup away.

"No it's not. I shouldn't have said what I said. In no way should I have called you a heartless bítch. It was out of line." He spoke as I angrily spooned sugar into my cup.

"Adonis it's fine." I grumbled. "At the time I was a heartless bítch. I didn't care about other peoples feelings." I stirred the tea.

"No you were expressing your mind and how you felt." I could feel him step closer. I stiffened up slightly.

"Like I've said its cool." I shuffled over to the freezer and grabbed some ice cubes.

We stood there in silence. After I placed the ice cubes in my cup I started to sip it. I had turned to face him.

"I want to apologize." He stated breaking the silence. I couldn't stop the slight laugh that left from my throat. "What's so funny?" He looked at me confused.

"You had four years. Four fúcking years, yet now you choose to apologize. I find that funny." I shook my head and sipped my tea again.

"I felt as if I didn't have the need to apologize. You were the one telling everyone my secrets, everyone's secrets. I'm still waiting on my apology." He crossed his arms.

"You need an apology? Neither one of us deserve an apology. We both did something wrong so we're even. You're married now and you have the audacity to come to my apartment and apologize?" I placed my cup down.

"Me being married has nothing to do with me coming over here and apologizing." He stated angrily.

"It has something to do with it. You haven't spoken to me in four years Adonis. What? Did your wife put you up to it? Or was the guilt of seeing me eating you alive knowing you crushed my heart?" I felt a lump form in my throat.

"My wife knows nothing about what me and you had. All she knows is that you watch my sister-in-laws daughter. She doesn't even know we know each other. She doesn't know I'm over her." He clenched his jaw.

"So what made you want to come and apologize? What made today any different from any of those days in the last four years?"

"I couldn't stand to be around you. At the time you made me sick. Every thought of you was repulsive yet made me miss you. You were engraved into my mind. I hated you but loved you all at the same time. That's why I left. I cut myself off from you. When I saw you at my doorstep I felt horrible for calling you a heartless bítch. I tried to apologize at the diner and on the phone last night but you wouldn't listen. So I had no choice but to force your address out of mason and come here." He rushed out in a blur.

I didn't know what to say. He just told me the thought of me made him sick. He clearly hadn't suffered like I had for two and a half years.

"Get out." I growl through clenched teeth.

"What?" He looked at me in confusion.

"Get out of my apartment!" I pointed to the front door.

"Why?"

"Because I fúcking hate you! You had the nerve to tell me that the thought of me repulsed you. When you didn't care to see how I was doing with our child that I miscarried because of you." His eyes widened.

"Alaska I didn't-"

"You didn't want to know! You made it clear that you wanted nothing to do with me or the life that was growing inside my body. I cried over you so many times for two and a half years because I loved you. You have the nerve to come into my apartment as a married man four years later and expect me to believe that you feel guilty!" I gasped for air. Yelling, holding back tears, and experiencing heartbreak all over again took a lot of breath. "Bullshít Adonis. Bullfúckingshít. Get the fúck out of my apartment right now!" I yelled and pointed to the door.

"I'll respect your wish." He stuck his hands in his pockets and walked to the door. When he stepped into the hall he turned to look at me. "At least let me say this." He paused. "Not once did you leave my mind these past four years. No matter how hard I tried you were always there." He sucked on his bottom lip.

I slammed the door in his face and locked it. I leaned against the door and clutched my chest. Slowly I slid down the wall and cried. The cold hollow feeling seeped back into my chest.








"Alaska." Jasmine called as I angrily sat the tables. "Alaska." She called again. "Alaska!" She gripped me by my shoulders and turned my around.

"What?!" I snapped at her and blew a loose strand of hair out my face.

"Look who's here." She pointed to the door. I looked and saw two blondes standing at the door. They bother were familiar. One was April and the other once was Laura.

I went up to both of them. April instantly pulled me into a hug. I buried my face into my sisters neck. I missed her so much.

"I came as soon as I heard." She stroked my hair.

"You didn't have to leave your honeymoon for me." I pulled back bit still kept her in a hug.

"Are you kidding me? The jerk who broke my sisters heart is back in town. You thought I'd leave you here alone? Honeymoons are always there. My sister isn't." She tucked my hair behind my ear.

"Um excuse me." Laura tapped my shoulder.

"Yes." I looked at her.

"I'm here to pick up Marcy. She has a doctors appointment."

"I'm sorry Marcy isn't here." I looked at her confused.

"What? She has to be here. Adonis said he'd drop her off." She started to panic. "I knew I shouldn't of let him do it. He wasn't himself when he got home this morning."

"What happened?" I looked at her concern.

"He seemed upset and a little out of it. He kept saying he was cold so I made him some coffee. Then he said he'd drop Marcy off at day care and left with her." She bit on her thumb nail.

I looked at April then back at Laura. "I'm sure he took her to the doctors early. Don't worry." I smiled assuringly.

"I sure hope so." She sighed. "Thanks anyway." She left.

"I have to go." I went to grab my jacket.

"Where are you going?" April followed me.

"The one place where I know he can't hurt anybody." I went out the door with April behind me.

"I won't let you." She gripped my wrist.

"If I don't he could kill that little girl. She's with him April. He won't control himself." I snatched away from her and got into my car.









I quickly got out my car and ran into the woods.

"Adonis!" I called out and got no answer. "Adonis!" I step over twigs and logs. I soon reach the heart of the woods and stop in my tracks.

There's a huge fire burning in the ground on the other side. There's Adonis but no Marcy.

"Adonis." I call again and walk towards him but his gaze stayed on the fire. "Adonis where's Marcy?" Slowly he turns his head towards me. The light of the fire eliminating off his face.

"She's going to burn." He whispers. His face is blank and held no emotion.

I looked at the fire and it seemed to stretch out further back.

"Where is she?" I panic. He points towards the fire.

"Adonis!" I screech and grip my hair. "She's your wife's niece!" I shove him and he stumbles slightly.
He looks at the fire and then back at me.

"I'm so sorry." He mumbles and falls to his knees. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry." He mumbles over and over again.

I start to panic. There was no way to get to Marcy before she's burned alive. The fire was to big and the lake to far to keep running back and forth. And to get to the other side it would take me a good 40 minutes by car.

"Why did you do this?" I looked down at him.

"I was upset. She went to go chase a bunny and I just lit up a leaf. I had no clue it would spread so fast. I was to distracted to think about putting it out." He kept his gaze on the ground.









"Alaska!" I heard Marcy's familiar voice before I saw her. I ran to her and gave her a hug. I was covered in mud, leaves and twigs but I didn't care.

"It's ok Marcy I'm here." I mumbled into her hair. With the help of Adonis we got the fire out. He was reluctant at first but he chose the right thing.

"I was scared I didn't know what to do so I kept running." She sobbed and I stroked her hair.

"It's ok Marcy. Everything's ok." I said in a soothing way. Soon we headed back and Marcy ran to Adonis. He picked her up and hugged her tightly.

"I'm so sorry Marcy." He mumbled. "Thank you so much Alaska I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't showed up." He looked at me.

"No problem." I waved it off.

"I owe you." His phone started to ring. He answered it. "Yeah, babe she's fine. I'm fine...yes I know. I'm not that far.." I started to walk away.

I got into my car. I had to hold back the tears that formed in my eyes. I had found myself back at my old house. It seemed so empty. I got out the car and sat on the porch and just stared at the for sale sign in the yard.

It's been for sale for so many years. I've wanted to buy it but I just didn't have the money for it no matter how hard I tried to save up.

My dad and his wife moved down to Florida. Jason and Jordan moved to New York because after Adonis left Jason became Jordan's legal guardian. The only people who still stayed here in was me, Jasmine, April, Gwen, Mason, Kyle, and now Adonis and his wife.

My heart constricted in my chest. I sat there for hours. I don't know exactly how long but it had started to get dark. I didn't cry, no matter how hard I tried, I didn't cry.









"Ally." I heard Adonis call. I ignored him and stayed in my balled up position on the porch. "Alaska." He sat next to me.

"What?" I hissed.

"Look I'm sorry. I shouldn't have dome anything I've did starting four years ago. You were nothing but loving and I felt as if it was all lie." He confessed.

"Your fault." I chuckled angrily.

"I'm trying to make an effort here Alaska. I want us to be friends again. I want you back in my life in some form. Please." He turned my face to look at him.

"Don't touch me." I moved his hand and looked away. "You don't have the right to touch me. You don't have the right to beg for my forgiveness."

"I know that and I'm not begging. I'm letting you choose because I know deep down, under all that burning hatred you swear you have for me, I know you want me in your life just as well." He said so confidently.

"You know nothing." I unballed myself and looked at him. "You've been missing from my life for four years. You can stay missing from it the rest of my life for all I care." I tried standing up but he pulled me down.

"I'm really trying here. You're forcing me to beg for forgiveness Alaska. All I want is your friendship not your heart."

"Because you married." I scoffed.

"Please, leave my marriage out of this." He hissed through clenched teeth.

"No because I can't get rid of it Adonis. Every time I think about you being married I think about us, sitting right here coming up with our dream wedding in the Caribbean, or somewhere on the beach. And I'd where a pretty white dress and you'd where white shorts, shirt and suit jacket with some white vans." Tears I didn't know I had slid down my cheeks. "We'd say our vows, kiss and then walk down the isle with our friends and family tossing white flower petals at us. Then we'd spend the rest of our life together. Not you and her, me and you. But you left." I looked away and wiped my tears.

"You forgot something." He scooted closer to me. His breath tickled the back of my neck. "You forgot the reception." He whispered in my ear. "We'd have crabs, shrimp, lobster, fish, and baked chicken. Our cake would be 4 layers high, and instead of us standing there it'd be us in the bed. After the reception and we started our honeymoon that's where most of our time would be spent. We'd do the most kinkiest shít." He said this and had my heart begging to be let out of my chest.

"I didn't forget." I whispered and clutched my chest.

"I'm sorry Alaska. I'm truly sorry for the pain I caused you. I'm sorry for not being there when you were pregnant or when you miscarried. I'm sorry for leaving you in the first place. I love you and I left under false accusations and didn't give you a chance to fully explain yourself. I'm here now and I want to be with you. Not relationship wise but as your friend. Please Alaska I'm so so sorry." He wrapped his arms around me and pressed his face into my hair.

I hadn't missed that he said love instead of loved.

"You said love." I mumbled not moving because I didn't want to lose his body heat.

"I know."

"It's loved not love."

"No," he let me go and turned me towards him. "Loved is past tense. I still love you."

"But you said-" he placed his finger over my lips.

"Stop dwelling in the past already and just forgive me." He said darkly his eyes glazing over with mischief.

I gulped and nodded my head. He knew I was terrified of him when he used that voice and gave me that look. I knew that if I didn't agree he'd tickle me for hours on end until I gave in. I could still feel the stomach cramps.

"Good, now you should head home. Jasmine and April are worried sick about you." He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me. "I'll see you tomorrow." He whispered.

"Adonis." I whispered.

"Yes."

"Can you keep our past relationship and our present friendship a secret from Laura?" I now just spoke softly.

"Why you're afraid that if she finds out she'll know you're not a lesbian?" My cheeks heated up. "But if that's what you want fine. I wasn't planning on telling her soon anyway." He chuckled.

"Thank you." I rested my head on his shoulder loving the feel of being in his arms again.

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Thankfully this one was longer. I know this like only the third chapter and she forgives him but this story has a lot that's going to happen so I can't drag to much of it out.

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Live. Laugh. Love.

~Dejah

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