ANIMALS

12 - The Aftermath

~Bethan's POV~

It felt as though everything was moving in slow motion. The news report, Marcus grabbing me and hugging me, me pushing him away, running up the stairs, grabbing my stuff and racing out the door. I ignored Marcus calling my name, not that I really heard him anyway; my thoughts were too loud. There was a ringing in my ears that wouldn't go away. My heartbeat was going a mile a minute, and I could feel it in my throat. I didn't know where I was going, I ignored the curious stares people gave me as I sobbed my way down the street, I didn't care what they thought of me anyway. 

I'm not sure how I got there, but I ended up in our meadow. I didn't even remember going through the forest to get here. All I knew was that no one would find me here, save Marcus, but I knew it would take him some time to find me anyway. All I wanted was to be alone for a little while. I sat down amongst the little yellow flowers and sobbed. I cried for God knows how long, just sitting there as the sun rose higher in the sky. It was quite warm for mid-spring, but I didn't care. A little voice in the back of my head mocked me for crying so much. You're so weak, it said, stop crying. It's embarrassing. I shoved it away, really not in the mood for feeling worse. 

It was a while before Marcus showed up. By then, I was calm enough to talk to him. Well, more like scream.

"Why did you do that?! I've been looking for you for three hours! A little warning would have been nice!" he yelled as he ran to me, despair colouring his voice. 

I was in no mood to have him yell at me. I was grieving. It had only been a month or two since he broke it off with me. I was not expecting to have him die.

"My ex boyfriend died this weekend, I needed some space!" I spat with menace. I saw hurt in his eyes. I tried not to regret what I'd just said, tried to stand my ground, but he was my friend, and he didn't deserve to be talked to like that, least of all by me.

"I'm sorry." he said. "Really I am." He reached me and hugged me. I let him. "I lost a friend too, you know."

"I know."

***

 Everything was grey and monotonous and miserable. Even though Tristan had become a total douchebag and I hated him for what he did to me, I didn't want him to die. I would never wish death on anyone, that's just not the type of person I am. 

I stayed in my room for many days; I didn't even know what day it was or how many days left there were before school started again; I didn't care. The text messages and Facebook notifications kept piling up on my phone, but I ignored them. I didn't want to talk to anyone, I didn't want to see anyone, I just wanted to be alone. To put a comical spin on it all, I felt like freaking Bella when Edward left her in 'New Moon'. I just sat there, doing nothing, as the days trawled by.

I was made aware of what day it was when Mum came in early to wake me up.

"Sweetie, it's the first day of school. I'm giving you the option as to whether you go or not, because I understand that you're struggling at the moment, but you'll need to make up your mind quickly."

Without a moment's hesitation, I said, "I'm not going."

Mum looked at me for a second, then said, "Okay. I'll be in the kitchen if you need me," and left, closing the door behind her. I rolled over and fell asleep almost instantly.

***

I woke up again when a delicious smell wafted in under the crack at the bottom of my door and filled my room with the smell of bacon and eggs. I groggily sat up, rubbed my face, and contemplated going out into the kitchen to get some food. My stomach grumbled. That settled it.

When I entered the kitchen and living room area, I saw Mum standing at the stove as the eggs popped on the pan and the bacon sizzled under the grill. She turned her head and smiled at me. "Morning sleepy head." she said.

"Mornin'," I replied. My voice sounded raspy and raw, like I hadn't talked for days. Well, I suppose I hadn't talked for days. I checked the time. 10:22. I sat down at the dining table and squinted as I looked out the window. The sunlight made my head hurt, so I looked away.

My stomach was growling up a storm when Mum placed a plate full of eggs, bacon and toast in front of me. Despite this, I ate slowly; I wasn't in a devour-your-food kind of mood today. Mum joined me at the table not long after, a plate identical to mine in front of her. We ate in silence for a while, before Mum spoke up.

"It's nice to see you up and about," she said.

"Mm." I replied. I began to speed up my eating pace. This bacon was really getting to me.

"I-we've been worried about you," "we've" meaning her and my sister. I said nothing. I glanced up at Mum briefly, then continued devouring my bacon.

"Have you at least been talking to your friends? I'm sure they're just as worried about you and grieving like you too."

I shrugged. "I'm not a fan of talking to people right now."

Mum was silent for a while. I started on m eggs, stabbing my fork into the yolk of one of them.

"You need to talk to them. It's not healthy to lock yourself up in your room, away from everybody." She sounded calm, but I could hear the strain in her voice. "I know it's hard for you, to lose someone you loved dearly, but you can't let it affect you this badly. You have a life, Bethan. You have friends. Friends who love you and want to know you're alright."

Again, I said nothing.

"You look sick, you know. You have these big bags under your eyes that weren't there before."

Silence.

"How long has it been since you last showered?"

I stopped eating. My jaw clenched.

"You're looking a bit thin, darling. This is the first meal you've eaten out here."

I could feel myself getting angry. I could hear Mum getting angry. The tension between us rised, and hot tears welled in my eyes.

"For goodness sake, Bethan, I can't deal with you when you're like this! At least look at me when I talk to you!" Mum shouted, banging her right palm on the table and making me jump. The tears fell.

"Shut up, Mum, just shut up!!! You don't know what it's like to have someone you love die!!!! YOU. HAVE. NO. IDEA!" I burst out. Mum fell silent and looked at the ground. I'd said something wrong.

Quietly, very quietly, so quiet I almost couldn't hear, she said, "Yes I do."

It was completely silent once again. I didn't know what to say or do, so I just stood there, looking at Mum, the same Mum who I idolised, who seemed so small and frail in this instant.

Before I could ask what she meant, there was a knock on the door. She looked up and wiped her eyes on her sleeve. She stood up and with a meek, "I'll get that," made her way to the door. I heard it open, and Mum say, "Hello Marcus, shouldn't you be at school?"

His familiar, comforting, infuriating voice said, "I was worried about Bethan and I wanted to see if she was alright." I felt grateful that he wanted to see me after I ignored him this whole time, but I felt sad too. Why would he want to come and see me? I've been a shitty friend.

"That's so thoughtful of you. Come in."

I peeked my head around the corner as Marc said a quiet thank you. He looked at me and I looked at him, those familiar green eyes looking straight into my soul. A few moments passed, then I smiled, and ran straight into his arms.