Infinity -The Fault In Our Stars ✔

Infinity

A/N: Before you start to read I just want to say that's not my language, so you might find some errors.

Augustus always kept hidden his little secret and I never knew it.

When he revealed it, we were sitting on a bench along Amsterdam 's channels , and I felt all the world's weight falling on me.

I was allowed to experience a bit of joy in my world of sadness and medicines , and now after knowing the meaning of it, this was taken away from me just as it was given .

We could feel the weight of this secret that demanded to be heard and experienced.

Gus' secret became ours after I had found out that the cancer was holding my body .

After knowing that I was ill again, my first thought was to put an end to it in a quick and painless way ; why did I had to fight to the end of a battle that I had lost already, even before the beginning?

Everybody taught me to fight, to resist, jump all the obstacles I encountered, and fight to the end, using all my strength, even those tiny burst of energy that you do not even know you have, but you discovered during the most difficult moments where you do not see any hope.

My second thought was Gus, and at that moment, I felt terribly selfish, because he was fighting in every way to defeat cancer and stay with me as long as possible.

He was doing everything to stay with me, he used every minute to prove his  love for me.

I can never thank him enough for that.

After the initial shock caused by the discovery, I immediately started treatment that included chemotherapy and all the help my lungs could get with a more powerful machine overnight.

I refused to assist at my partend fall from my condition.

I prevented my mom from leaving university and her studies that she had started after I had known Gus.

The thought that she was doing something for herself, that in her head would pass some thoughts that did not concern me directly, made me happy.

Gus had always been my anchor and my only reason that still kept me tied to this world.

When I look at him I see the boy I fell in love just as when you fall asleep: first slowly, and then all at once.

I look at that boy, so sweet and kind, passionate about video games, and a follower of the most imaginative metaphors, I saw him, in front of my furious eyes, shoving a cigarette in his mouth, his jaw setting when he explains his metaphor about life.

My gaze fell on his pale and cold hand intertwined with mine.

My hand is cold as the rest of my body now, but my heart isn't; our hearts are warm, lit by the blazing flame of love we feel for each other.

In my mind different memories come to life: our first meeting, the first date, first kiss, our trip to Amsterdam. When these memories fade, I realize I'm crying and laughing at the same time.

Our hands and our bodies are becoming colder, our time together in this world is coming to an end. Augustus is tossing and turning in his hospital bed; the effects of painkillers should be wearing off by now.

After a few minutes, I start to feel pain, so I turn and call for the nurse who arrives promptly with other medicines.

the drugs act quickly and the pain leaves our bodies making us sink deeper into the abyss to the other world. but we are fighting to enjoy the last moments together.

I want to die with the image of his face burned in my mind.

I will remember his crooked smile which stretches up to the eyes , making his face shine.

My body is getting weaker, but before I die I want to do one last thing.

With the last strength I have I strech toward the bed next to mine and we exchange one last kiss: slow, patient, but also full of passion.

With that kiss we declare all our love, and in we say our goodbye, because we know that it's all over.

We stare at each other eyes before , lying down ,exhausted, on hospital beds.

The fatigue is beginning, and after minutes or hours, my eyes close and I start my journey to another world clutching the hand of Gus who carries me with him toward the thickest darkness.