My Little Story Book

If I tell him

Why? Why do I think of him? Why does his name keep popping into my head? I know it could never be so why do I keep doing this to myself? I know it couldn't be him who keeps turning my necklace. I know that he doesn't think of me like I think of him. So why? So why do I keep torturing myself by thinking about him, about what could be?

He loves someone else. He loved a women that has lied to him, stolen form him, and is ruining his life little by little. It hurts me to see him like this. It hurts to see him love someone that is only hurting him. His so blind by his love for her he can't even see it for himself.

But I can do anything. I can not tell him I love him, for I do not know if this is love. I can not comfort him, for I do not know how to do such a thing. I can not help him, for I can barely even help myself. Even with all of this there is one thing that makes sure I can never tell him a single thing.

That is fear.

Not fear of rejection. I can live without him ever feeling the same way towards me as I feel towards him. The thing I fear is acceptance. If he were to accept my feelings, to share them, to accept me as me. I don't know how I would feel if he were to do so. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.

I would question how he could do such a thing. Such a thing as accepting a thing like me. I'm terrified for if that day ever comes.

So for now I shall just be there, making sure he is happy. I'll be there if he ever needs me or just needs someone to listen to his words. Those are the things I can do. I'll keep quiet about my feelings and see as he falls for another. That is what I will do, because I fear what could happen if I tell him.

If I tell him that I love him.