RANT PAGES

how is my holy fucking hell week

longest title of the chapter award goes to: ME

okay so guys i have been inactive recently....

i havent updated in a long time... very long.

thoughts are eating me alive today, like my bed going to swallow me, well i wish i could. School is coming in a few days and im not yet ready. im not ready to deal with so many projects, assignments, and backstabbing plastic bitches! im not even packed yet. 

and ABlackShirt do not worry me about being all sad and depressed af cause many things happened to me this week, this so called hell week for me. the last few days of me to have fun before classes start but this is hell week, but exams is much for me. 

no, its not because im nervous to go back to school, but yes i am a bit cause you know what will happen there, i might fail, you might fail, i might get bullied and so do you. assignments and projects all due to the same date, and you have only one day to finish it all then you come late at home from school. ARGHHH its fucking helllll!

ohhh i also the one im talking about in the tag, about that im missing my friends, i kinda met her yesterday in a short period of time. i wouldnt let her go actually because she might go away from me again, i dont want to loose true friends! but frankly her 'other' friend is there watching us go all those fucking hugs and shits i finally let her go because she was just standing there, staring and feeling akward. if i was in her place, my mind is like...

"why are their hugging so much? they're missing each other but they can see each other again tomorrow or the in other day, they live like a fucking few blocks away! oh god this is akward everybody is staring. is they who the one they're staring at or be being a fucking loner here. oh she let her go and time to walk towards the-- nooo! they're gonna talk again.... ARFGBDWFJ!" yeah my mind goes crazy. sometimes i even mumble so sometimes people are like they're looking at the one whos speaking but evidently listning to my mumbles...

and im also quite sad, not that quite i mean... MY DAY IS FUCKING RETARTED! AND SO IS M FUCKING LIFE!!!

so i woke up in the morning today, which is quite new for me, with mom entering the room telling me that... im afraid to write it actually... its.. um... MY DOG FUCKING DIED!!!

its hurts me like hell! my little doggy pomeranian died because she got sick to the point that she cant stand anymore... we got her to the vet the day we discovered she cant walk that anymore, she's so weak but can still bark as loud as she can before she got sick. and thats the start of what happened in my fucking hell week. 

the doctor acquired us a blood chem or my dog so he can know what happened to her cause he cant define her sickness physically. then yesterday e got the results, her blood is too low and so is her platelet, so the doctor prescribe us multi vitamins for her iron to go way up. she also got to medicine the first time we brought her there. and now... lately this morning... i found her.. dead... well my mom find its so first... 

i even joked about before while i was playing servers in MCPE cause i want attention at that time, telling people that my pet died, receiving so much condolence from them even tho its ot true, but now in the present its fucking TRUE!!! 

even yesterday my cousin joked about my dog being dead. because when she was sick, i saw her sleeping one time but the idiot part of me showed up and thought she was dead, so i poked her to she that she was still alive, but yesterday he joke about me poking my dog to see that she's dead, its true though if compare it to what happened but the big twist is im the ONE who is sleeping and she was the ONE who is dead.

i miss her so much right now, i was so disappointed to she her wrapped in her towel placed inside a plastic bag. i thought at first everyone is joking but no, this is reality, i told myself. i open up the bag to see that its real there,her mouth and eyes is slightly open, then i touch her head, maybe to feel her one last time, it was cold, so cold. i even thought it was my fault for failing her to take care of her but no, i remember that it was her sickness. she's suffering when she's alive when she got her sickness and now that she's dead, she was in peace. its nice to wake up in he morning to see your dog still alive still fighting but for me it is but there's still a part of me that is sad that to wake up everyday that she suffers.

every night, before i head upstairs and sleep, i always sit with my dog, petting her, and when its time to go up, i always say to her that she'll stay downstairs, not to go anywhere and then in the morning i wake up i see her there. when i even go downstairs to get something, she always get happy, she runs around, circling my foot, but when i go back upstairs, she gives me a look of hope for me to back downstairs. i was used to it, and something noisy that she hears, she always barks at them to go away. but maybe now, later, tomorrow, when i go downstairs, i will see her gone. its depressing at the thought though. i miss her so bad. 

i hate my life actually you know, i hate when i get happy cause now or later, the thing that makes me happy goes away. always goes away. even at ABlackShirt notices it because i tell her everyday, in every chance we got to talk, i tell her whats happening recently in my life. Now Franz you know how hell my week is.

i dont know how to even end this shits in life. even this fucking chapter. okay i need to take time by myself, to gather all the information that has happened. i keep forgetting that this is fucking reality, no one from dead comes a back to life. thats some real shit. and sooner my loved ones will go away in the future, now, later or tomorrow. i keep forgetting that im not suppose to be happy in the fact that im alive, i should understand that life is something we all have and lose. we need to always gather up ourselves and keep fight as others fall back behind. we need to ignore all the shit because, time is gold, we dont know when its stops.

okay im done i need to move on, 

see you later,

*if i update later

NOT EDITED SO IGNORE THE SHITS THERE, IM A SHITTY WRITER 

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