Be Tough

You looked me in the eyes
As you stood on the bridge
You told me goodbye
And then you took a step.

I screamed and begged,
But your mind was made up.
Your last words were, "I'm sorry, please be tough."

How could I be tough,
When this is all my fault?
I should've gotten help
But I just cried into shock.

It was a dark winter night
So no one was around
I cried myself to sleep
On the cold, snowy ground.

Once I woke up
I was in a hospital bed
Everything was cold
And I knew you were dead.

By the look in my family's eyes
I knew they blamed me
I ruined their lives
It should've been me.

So I tore off the blankets
And started to scream.
I told them to kill me
And my mother just stared.

She had no words
And I knew she didn't care.
So, I stopped eating
I didn't even drink.

But when I started to grow thin
They sent me away.
Where I was told the opposite
Of what I think.

It's not my fault
It was his choice!
But if I hadn't gone out
He would've never turned cold.

It's my fault he had nightmares
Of the day I'll never forget.
He wanted them to stop
He told me this.

I told him they would
He was my big brother after all
Nothing could hurt him
But, boy, I was wrong.

If I knew how much he was hurting
I would've never let him go.
Now I have no one
And I'm stuck in this place.
At least I thought that,
Until he came.

He had black hair
And bright, blue eyes.
He was quite tall
But had sadness in his eyes.

His name was Alex
And I knew I needed to be his friend.
So for the first time in a year
I smiled at him.

He didn't smile back.
Just gave me a cold stare.
He glared at me
And I knew he didn't care.

I tried and tried
To get him to like me.
But all I got back
Was anger and hate.

So I gave up
And left him alone.
I knew he was happy
Even though I started to grow cold.

The nightmares started
And I still tried to sleep
But when I woke up crying,
I found him holding me.

He held me and let me cry
He told me everything would be alright.
When I pounded his chest
And called him a liar
He didn't hit me back
But held me tighter.

He made sure I ate
And helped me heal.
Now he's the love of my life
And I wouldn't be here if it weren't for him.

I know my brother would be proud of me
And that helps a lot.
So thank you, Alex.
For everything, you've done.

And I love you, Marcus.
Even though it's hard,
I have been the tough one.