transitioning // li dian x reader

prologue

You've never been so proud of a group of soldiers in your entire life. Taking stride after stride, walking with purpose and authority around your training camp, you observe your troops practicing their swordsmanship and archery. You stand by a fellow officer supervising a group of men practicing archery with targets. He looks at you, you nod, and he raises his arm with a shout.
"Fire!"
The soldiers release their arrows, every single one of them hitting center or deathly close to center. You smile and nod, commending them for their impressive efforts. Next was an officer wielding a long wooden spear, conducting a training session with a different group of troops. You stand off to the side for a while, waiting until they are finished. After watching the men perform several elegant yet powerful slices, thrusts and sweeps, you walk towards the group.

The commanding officer and troops turn to face you, standing in neat rows, spears gripped firmly in hand.

"Good work men," you praise, placing your hands on your hips. "I expect nothing less from Lord Dong Zhuo's elite." And as you turn your back on them, they resume their training diligently. But you can't help but smile at the fact that they won't be Dong Zhuo's elite for very long. Right at this very moment, fearsome warlords and warriors from across the land were marching under the command of noble Yuan Shao to stop this man's tyranny. Soon, you and your troops would defect to the Wei army in order to bring peace to the chaotic land.

"Soon," you murmured to yourself, as you throw aside the opening of your tent. "It'll all be over soon."

-------

You lay on the uncomfortable mattress of your bed, staring up at the ceiling of your tent, all the while reflecting on the horrible things you had done in the name of Dong Zhuo. You sit up and push the thoughts out of your mind, now isn't the time for melancholy flashbacks, and reach for your copy of Sun Tzu's Art of War. The moment fingertips brush the scroll, a messenger bursts through the tent flaps and immediately drops to the ground.

"My lady!" The man puffs. It appears he was in a rush to get to your tent. "I bring news." You rise off your bed and kneel in front of the messenger, noting the single line of tears streaming from the corner of his eye.

Concerned, you order him to report.
"My apologies, my lady, but your father..." He trails off. You furrow your eyebrows in confusion.
"What about my father?" You prod nervously. The few moments of silence between the two of you is nerve wracking.
"Dong Zhuo has killed him." The messenger whispers, more tears falling on to the dirt ground. You sit back on your haunches, shocked. Feeling an onslaught of tears welling up behind your eyes, you command the messenger to give the message to your loyal subordinates: the moment Cao Cao begins to attack, we defect.

The moment the sniffling messenger leaves, you collapse to the ground bawling your eyes out, pressing the heels of your hands as hard as you can against your eyes.

"I committed heinous crimes!" You scream towards the sky. "I did this to protect my family! I don't even have a family to protect anymore!" You didn't care who heard you. Body shaking with sobs, you slam your fists on the ground.

"My father was a good man," you hiss in between whimpers. "He didn't deserve this." The rustling of tent flaps stirs you, and you whip your head towards the sound.

"My lady, are you alright? I heard-"
"Please leave me be, Master Zhang Liao."
The red and black clad warrior under Lu Bu stands in the walkway, worried expression plain on his face. He's one, probably the only man in this army you could truly confide in.

Lu Bu was too prone to anger and trample anyone to get in his way.
Diao Chan was too loyal to Lu Bu.
Chen Gong made you uncomfortable.
And even considering trusting Dong Zhou was out of the question.

Zhang Liao's frown deepens noticeably.
"Are you sure?"
You meet his sad gaze with your own and nod.
"I'm fine. Just go." He scowls, and reluctantly leaves the tent.

Now that you were sure that you had nothing left to protect than the land and the people itself, you rose shakily from the ground and dropped onto your bed, sinking into the pillow as if it were water.