Behind The Lens

13. Previously On "Dangerous Man"

Hope you like this update! Talking about Ethan is actually important not just to the story, but I think to me, and as I started writing this chapter, I got deeper into his story and it felt right. Anyway... the gif above is of Daniel Sharman who I imagine Ethan looks like. (the actor is actually the right age and everything)... aka super HOT. I should also note that the character "Ethan" is based on someone I know -- the PTSD stuff that is, not the jail time etc. :) )

ENJOY!

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Gigi took the medal out of the blue velvet case as she often did when she was nervous. Ethan gave it to her when he came back. She had been so proud of him for earning it, but the silver star was meaningless to him. Something Liam would understand. To Ethan the award was covered in blood and a painful reminder of his days in the military.

Gigi wants what's best for her Ethan, and maybe she is too naive to see what's really going on inside his mind, but that won't stop her from being there for him. She smiles over at her Ethan, who looks so peaceful laying there asleep. She really wanted him to turn his life around.

Ethan wasn't always like this, he was a good student, smart and the star of his high school football team. He was focused and driven and always wanted to be in the Navy, always wanted to be a SEAL, but war can change you, break you and in some ways he was a lot like Liam; he has been through war, he saw his friends die and he's killed before. He broke down, he became a broken man, a dangerous man, a reckless man.

Ethan stopped caring and fell into a deep depression that ultimately led to him pleading for an early retirement. He became addicted to the amphetamines you're given to stay awake during particularly difficult missions. He became addicted to them after seeing too many dead bodies, too many missions. He couldn't sleep because he'd see their faces. He'd see the women, children and his own men, brothers in arms, their lifeless bodies and pale faces, etched in his memory.

He was a good soldier, a damn good soldier and it's not always easy to adjust to life as a civilian... You can't understand why people aren't following your orders. You have a hard time relating to other people... people who haven't seen the horrors of war. People who haven't had to fight to save their lives; fight to save their freedom. 

When he met Niall, Ethan had just gotten out of the Navy. He can recall meeting the blond out at a bar. He was drunk and Niall was sober and maybe that was part of the problem, maybe the alcohol had been enough of a mask to hide the darkness inside of Ethan. Niall wanted to help Ethan, even believed himself to be in love with him... and maybe, just maybe Ethan loved him back, but he probably didn't. Niall became another drug he needed to take to stay slightly less miserable. He was his new addiction and he was fond of overmedicating himself on Niall.

He became more and more violent, the more he wanted a fix, needed a fix, not just of drugs, but of Niall. He wanted his sunshine and when he couldn't get it, he'd steal it, defile it, corrupt it. Niall is light and Ethan is dark, and in the light he could see hope, hope that had long since forsaken him.

He never meant to turn out this way; he never meant to hurt anyone, least of all Niall. Niall who is a ray of pure sunshine... Who was his ray of sunshine, but he fucked it all up. And if Ethan had remorse, that is to say if he was capable of feeling anything, but rage at this point, then maybe he could get the help he really needed. But he hides his pain all too well, until the anger boils up inside of him and overflows into a violent rage. And in some small corner of his mind, Ethan knows he needs help.