Chains

Chapter 13

What exactly are you suppose to do when your the main source of disappointment in someone's life? Apologize for your wrongdoings then act like it never even happened? Say sorry for leaving them emotionally dead then take them out to lunch like everything's ok? Let's even stretch as far as to say that they agreed to this whole forgive and forget situation and went on day by day with complete disregard for the tumultuous roller coaster ride we had been on these past years. Even if it was that easy, the overpowering feeling of guilt dwelling within me was enough to discourage me. I knew I had to someday, that's if she was willing to give me the opportunity to and to my surprise,she did. 

To say I was surprised would be an understatement. Never in my wildest dreams had I expected her to say yes. The nervousness that pulsed through my veins when I saw her had completely erased any memory of the apology I had spent all morning preparing. I couldn't help but stare at the woman seated before me as I ignore soft chatters around the coffee shop.I watched as her soft pink lips took a sip out of her now warm coffee. We had been here for about 15 minutes in complete silence which neither of us dared to break. She placed the cup down and fiddled with the spoon beside it. I could tell she was a bit uneasy with this silence but I couldn't find the courage to say a word.

"So are we just gonna sit here and say nothing?" she asked, her eyes finally meeting mine for the first time this morning. My eyes widened a bit but I quickly recovered and gave her a small smile. I didn't expect her to be the first one to say something but there was no escape now. She was now obviously annoyed at our current situation so I had to make a move before she decided to leave.

"Ofcourse not, Lou" I managed to blurt . She stared at me for a good second then averted her gaze to her cup of coffee. She took another sip of the warm liquid then fixed her gaze on me after we were enveloped in silence once again.

"Ok, well since you have nothing to say to me"she began,reaching for her purse," I should probably get go-"

"No!" My hand reached for hers in an attempt to stop her. She glanced at my hand the quickly removed it.

"Then what do you have to say to me?" she asked,her words laced with frustration.

"I'm sorry" I said,my eyes glued to hers. I watched as she closed her eyes then slightly shook her head.

"Now before you say anything,just hear me out.Please" She let out small sigh but didn't say anything. I took this as my chance to apologize. To apologize for every lie I've told,for ever tear she had shed for me. Everything. It surely doesn't take back any of my wrongdoings, but it sure made me feel a lot better that I was finally able to tell her how I felt about this. How I absolutely regretted everything I've done to hurt her.

But her lack of emotion scared me. Had I waited to long to do this? Did my long apology just enter one ear and left the other ?Not even worthy of a simple reaction from her?  I let out a loud sigh and dropped my head to my arms.We fell once again to a deep silence with tension so thick a knife could slice through it. 

Minutes passed but she hadn't said anything. I raised my head from my hands to find her staring at me.I tried to read her but with no success. Even after catching her stare,her gaze never left mine.

"I forgive you."