"From a young age, I had learned to live without the need of affection from others, because that emptiness where it should have been had never been filled once. The loss of love was what I had been raised on.
No one ever loved me. Not my parents, who had left me in the care of a nursemaid from the moment I was born, not her, who had only cared for me because she had been paid to do so. Not my tutors, who had replaced that maid, not the people at the prestigious schools I was sent to, who cared more about themselves than others.
No, no one had ever loved me before.
So, on my tenth birthday, I made a promise to myself.
I wouldn't cry. I wouldn't collapse, like all the others I had ever seen, a china doll after someone they thought they loved and loved them back had left. I would be strong, because love was something that I didn't need. I would close myself off, and become the child that I wasn't, the child that my family desired and required. I would lock away the me inside, the one that still yearned for affection. I would lock her away within my heart, and build walls around it.
Then I would see who cared about me enough to break them down, brick by brick.
Until then, I would paint. Every year, on my birthday, I would paint the same, single image on a canvas.
Roses.
Grey roses.
Roses to signify the love. The love that I craved and desired.
Grey to signify its nonexistence, and the emptiness of it all.
Only when I received the love that I wanted would my annual painting contain splashes of color.
It was now my eighteenth birthday, eight years after I painted my first painting. Inside my room, tucked away, were eight rose paintings.
Out of all eight, eight were the color grey.
I wonder who will be the one to add that color into my grey roses. I wonder if it will ever happen at all."
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grey roses ♢ bts
Fanfiction"about a girl who paints only grey roses to signify the loss of love in her life." [kim taehyung x oc x jeon jungkook] Cover was made by the very awesome estaticjimin.
