Super Human (A Harry Styles Fanfiction)

Chapter 12

I brush my fingers over the scribbled words on the thin lined pages. I savour them, memorise them, soak them in so they fill my mind and will never be forgotten.

'But he doesn't know how much I have sat alone and cried

Because I know he will never sit by my side' What? She wants to sit by my side? I'm not stopping her. I wish she would. There's something she does to me that I can't put my finger on, as much as it frustrates me and confuses me that I don't know why I am falling for this girl I don't care. I know I am falling for her. I know it. It's like I am dangling from a cliff, my fingers gripping on the rock. Every time she holds me, kisses me, smiles at me another finger slips off and soon I will let go completely.

'Maybe if I disappeared, then he would care,

Maybe I have to vanish into thin air' Does this mean...I don't want to thinks about it. If it does mean what I think it does then I need to go and reassure her. Hold her. Listen to her heartbeat until everything is ok.

'With his bright green eyes and his brown hair curled,

Together we could conquer the world.' Conquer the world? I like it. Diana and me against the world. Somehow I know this is impossible. There is no way she would ever want to be with me. We are so different. I know I would end up hurting her.

When I flip the page I have to squint in the moonlight to see what it is.

Two drawings of me have been sketched onto the small pad. The way she has captured my moods in her drawings shows how talented she is. I love the thought of her drawing me. Of her squeezing her eyes closed to focus on my features. I will keep this.

I slide the book into my inside pocket and decide to go back inside as light droplets of cold water fall from the dark sky. The snow from a few days ago is now patches of sludge which I doubt will last until tomorrow.

When I reach my..our room I stand outside it for a few moments wondering what to do. I can hear her crying and I take a deep breath to try and clear my head. I fucked up. I really fucked up. To see the consequences makes the pain in my chest even worse. It's not that I haven't done anything like it before, because I have. This was nothing compared to some of the things I have done. It's just her glossy wide eyes, her mouth slightly open from her gasp, the crease between her brows. It made me feel something. It scares the shit out of me. I have never been in a relationship. A proper one. Where I cared. Why am I feeling like this girl is my whole world? Why does my heart miss a beat when someone says her name?

For some people it takes years to fall in love and for many people that is the case. Not ours though, from the minute I found her in my room I looked at her differently. I was only rude to her because I didn't know how to deal with my emotions.

I open the door and see her phone on her bed. The cries come from the toilet and without thinking I take her phone and type my number in, saving it in her favourites.

"Harry?" Her voice calls

"It's me" I try to speak as calmly as possible, "do you want me to leave?"

"Yes please" she sniffles and I leave the room, placing her phone back down.

This sucks. I could have argued, stayed with her but I know she has probably cut. I didn't want to see her teary face because of me. I never want to see it. I know she feels alone. She has no friends here.

I lie my back against Nialls wall and close my eyes. The group smoke and drink around me but I try to block them out, telling Niall I am staying here.

I open my eyes and look at the clock. I can hear Niall snoring through the darkness and pick my feet up to carry me towards the chair by the window.

I get out my phone and text Diana, "It's 3:50 and I wish I could be lying with you, you chest on mine as I listen to your heartbeat, instead of the rain"

I have never been thoughtful in my life. Never thought twice about my words. I do with Diana. I am glad I told her I want her forgiveness because she needs to know. I would never write romantic thoughtful shit to anyone else and she needs to know that. Everything comes easily with her. I feel like she won't judge me and I can say anything.

I think my phone goes off but I am too tired to look and I rest my head against the back of the chair.