Things I need to write down

Lost

Do you ever feel so hopelessly lost? You're not sad, but not quite angry. You most definitely aren't happy, but you cannot for the life of you figure out how you're feeling. You merely know that there is an emptiness you don't quite understand leaving the utmost of pressures in it's wake, weighing you down. There is a drowning feeling of frustration that won't go away and all you want to do is kick and scream and cry, but you just can't.

You begin to question yourself. Do you have any real reason to feel this way? Are you overreacting? So you hope to god that you aren't because you just don't want to be another dramaproned- person.

All you know, is that you don't know.

Like an endless echo in your head resulting in absolute panic.

I dont know what I want

I dont know how I feel

I dont know, I dont know, I dont know.

You'd love to just end it all, but you know this isn't the answer. While you're slowly drowning in feelings of guilt an shame for even considering such an abominable thing, you try to make yourself think rationally, telling yourself you'll regret this, how you will disappoint everyone you love by doing this to them.

You get angry, for every time your thoughts drift there, you get this surge of relief, because what else is left, is this really worth it?

And then some of us, they give in.

But hey, I can proudly proclaim, I haven't yet.

So why doesn't that make me feel better?