Through the Night

The World Goes On

                                                             Still 18 years ago

Two weeks later and I'm still not certain what to do. Since then, I've gone to a mentally and physically draining funeral, and witnessed my friend in a hospital bed. 

I'm sitting near the window in the hospital room, looking out the window as I wait for him/her to wake up. If the world wasn't so idealized, I could just see Yuu using female pronouns. I sigh again, imagining my friend finally being able to live without fear of being beat whenever we're not around. And knowing that it's a long way off. 

"Shinoa?" His voice is groggy, having just woken up. I turn, a smile forming on my face. I hope he can't tell how fake it is. 

"Morning, Yuu-san. I hear you're being discharged tomorrow." I hope that remark is enough to spark a light conversation. I don't have quite enough in me to try again.

"Yeah." He sighs, and I think that's going to be it, but then he speaks again, softer and more reserved this time. "I'm sorry for being such a burden on you guys. Sometimes I'd think it'd be better if we hadn't met." 

"No!" I immediately spring up, moving to the bed and hugging him to the point of almost hurting him. "Never think that!" 

"It's okay. I know a fake smile from you when I see one. You don't have to keep pretending." He says softly. And that's all I can take. The tears come softly, small drops sliding down my cheeks as I look up to face him.

"The fake smile is because this week has been exhausting. Not because I don't like you. I love you as part of my family. I would never change meeting you, not for the world." I tell him honestly. If I was stating all of what I thought of him, the words would be 'strong', 'brave', and 'kind'. He has been such an inspiration to me. It's quiet as the words I spoke sink in for a long while.

"Okay." He says eventually, finally smiling back up at me, eyes shining brighter than usual.

-/|\-

When I get back from the hospital, I feel slightly better. After our more solemn conversation, Yuu had warmed up immediately, making jokes and offering opinions like usual. It made me smile, knowing that a friend of mine wouldn't let things like what happened bring him down. 

I go immediately to Mitsu's room. After what happened, I moved in after a group discussion. We knew we couldn't let Mitsuba be alone, and we decided it was best for someone from our group to stay with her. The vote was unanimous, since I was her best friend. I'm not exactly sure where I stand now. I knock gently.

"Shinoa?" Comes the faint answer. 

"Yes. I just got back from visiting Yuu-san." I pause as I pull the door open, revealing Mistu sitting on her bed, a book in hand. "He seems much better, and he'll be leaving the hospital tomorrow." I inform once I've seated myself in the computer chair across from her.

"That's good." She responds, closing her book. "Anything else?" She asks, even though she knows what comes next.

"How are you today?" A question I've asked exactly 14 times. She responds the same every time.

"Fine." I hate this answer. You can hear the pain in her voice with how poorly disguised it is. I've been giving her a break for the past 13 times, but this bullshit isn't happening again.

"Fuck that." I start, tears starting to run down my face. "I can hear how sad you are, Mitsu, and it hurts seeing you like this. And not just because you're my best friend." I take a deep breath. I can't stop the words that are about to come back, and I won't try to say it subtly. It's time she knew. "Damn it, Mitsu. Seeing you like this hurts so much because I love you! Do you understand that? I want to comfort you when you're in pain, I want to be the one you come to talk to when no one else will listen. I want to be the one that's always there. And I want to kiss you softly and tell you it'll be alright and I mean it. I want to hold you close and listen to how your breathing evens out as we fall asleep. And I know you think that I'm lying, but I'm fucking not." 

"S-shin-" She starts but I cut her off.

"And I can't fucking take it anymore. Please tell me the truth." I beg, hands tangled in the fabric of my skirt. I try to steady myself as I wait for an answer. She doesn't respond, so I risk looking up, and she's just staring at me, with this expression stuck in-between disbelief and confusion. But no disgust. I had been expecting disgust. Why wasn't it there if she's not answering. So instead of asking that, I offer up a wisecrack.

"Oops. I seems to have broken you. I'm sorry. I'll leave." I turn, standing up to leave, but I'm stopped by a hand on my wrist. Her grip is strong, sure.

"Come here." She orders, voice soft and warm. She tugs me until I'm sitting in her lap, and my face is bright red. "What you said is nothing to be sorry for." She begins, bringing her face close to mine. 

"Why?" I ask in anticipation.

"Because." And then she presses her lips to mine, and all conversation goes out the window. Besides, there's no need, now that she's kissing me. When she pulls away, I feel it's too soon, but when K see the smile on her face, it's all worth it. Everything leading up to this point has been worth it. And I thank whatever lucky stars I have for this moment. "I love you too." She whispers against my ear, and I swear I almost start crying again out of joy.

-/|\-

"Annnnnndddd didn't need to see that." Yuu mutters as she watches her two friends, Kimizuki and Yoichi kiss just outside of his room. They didn't know she could see them.

"Oi!" Kimizuki reprimands,"I was trying to have sweet moment there. Thanks a lot, Baka Yuu, for ruining it."

"I'll be here all day." Yuu replies, flashing a grin.

"Yuu-kun, are you sure you don't need anything else before we leave?" Yoichi asks hesitantly. Yuu smiles back at him.

"Nope. You two can leave if you want." Yuu tells them, resigning herself to another round of 'stare out the window for hours'. 

"Alright, see you tomorrow, Yuu-kun." And with that, they're off. Yuu sighs. 

"Why can't the world accept me?" 

-/|\-

A/N: The reason in Yuu's POV it uses female pronouns because Yuu thinks of herself in female pronouns. Basically, if you haven't guessed, Yuu is transgender, but can't be who she really is because society 18 years ago wasn't exactly supportive of that by any means. That's how she deals with it, by assuring herself she is who thinks she is in her own sanctuary, her mind. Thanks for reading! I actually enjoyed writing Shinoa's confession. I thought it was heartfelt, but I've never confessed to anyone for real, so.... anyways! Hope you enjoyed it!