waiting // r. bortuzzo

Chapter 8

You always hear the word, but you never think it'll be you. You never think it'll be in your family. Sure, the statistics are high.

But you never expect your ex-boyfriend to call you crying, saying that your little girl has leukemia. You never expect your boyfriend will have to pick you up off of his floor to get you to the hospital because you physically cannot do it yourself. You never expect to wonder how long your child is going to make it.

I was able to walk into hospital and find the room my baby was in. She was curled up on Jake's lap, fast asleep. She was pale and the multiple tissues on the floor made it clear that her nose kept bleeding.

"You must be Adelaide's mother. I'm Dr. Barnes." The doctor shook my hand and started to talk to me about all the treatment options that he had already discussed with Jake. My eyes glazed over and I stopped hearing everything he was saying.

"I- I- I'm sorry. I didn't get any of that." I stared at the wall, hoping one of the men I was with got the first speech.

"Adelaide has acute myeloid leukemia. We'll most likely be doing two or three rounds of chemo. We are going to do more scans and tests to make sure we're correct and then we'll make a better plan."

"She. She was healthy five months ago. I don't understand."

"There aren't many tests to see if your child has cancer until it actually shows symptoms." Jake spoke up. "This isn't your fault, Olivia. We all make sure that she's healthy."

"I'll leave you to talk. A nurse will come in to get Adelaide for the tests."

I was scared. I was terrified of losing my little girl. I'm sure there were worse things health wise that she could be going through, but these next few months weren't going to be easy.

"I can go grab food. You need to eat. Do you want thai or a burger?"

"Bacon burger and a milkshake." I muttered, still unsure of what to do. How to react.

"Jake, do you want anything."

"No thanks."

"He's lying. He wants a double cheeseburger with a large strawberry shake."

The days before chemo started, I was a mess. Robert cancelled my classes for the week, I asked one of the other professors to put together a study guide and an exam, Jake took time off, and his parents came in for a while.

My boyfriend was at practice, my parents were with Jake's, and my ex was at home. I was a mess and Robert had to pretty much bribe me to shower for a while. How was I supposed to finish out the semester? It was mid-October. I still had a month and a half. Hockey was just starting. I had no idea how I was supposed to go about this.

"We heard you really like barbecue and were alone." Kennady walked into the hospital room with some of the other girlfriends. "And the better halves put together something for Addie."

I started crying, like I did whenever something happened. "Oh you didn't have to."

"It can't be easy. It's not going to be easy. But she'll pull through."

Robert was standing in the doorway as I talked to the girls and my daughter played dolls with one of the other daughters. He let us finish before trying to get me to go home and sleep for the night. "We'll wait for Jake to come back but you should stay in your own bed for the night before class."

He was right. I did have to go to class, no matter how much I didn't want to. I slept in a chair since the night that Adelaide first stayed. Jake wasn't here every night, but always offered to stay instead of me. I made Robert stay at his house so that he wasn't sore for the games.

He was the only reason I would even consider leaving my daughter. He's been my saving grace this past week. And he was leaving. Only for a week and a half. That still was too long to not see him or feel his arms around me. I knew that Jake and all of our parents would be here, but it's just not the same.

"I'll be back after my office hours tomorrow." I kissed my daughter's forehead. I'd be missing her first day of chemo, but everyone thought it was for the best. "I love you."

Once we got to my place, I broke down. I collapsed on the floor and let the tears flow. For once, Robert didn't try to stop me. He sat down, pulling me onto his lap. "We're all going to make it through this. Addie has two amazing parents and four grandparents that love her and will do anything for her."

"And you."

"Why don't you take a shower and I'll go grab some ice cream. We'll put on a feel good movie and just have a relaxed night. You deserve one. You actually deserve a really nice date, but we'll wait until I get back for that one." He kissed the top of my head and pulled me closer.

I got up, walking into the bathroom to turn on the hot water. I heard Robert close the door behind him. I gave him a key about a week ago so that he could water my plants or get me a change of clothes if I needed them. He was also set on runs to get various stuffed animals or blankets. Robert was basically Adelaide's personal assistant.

My boyfriend had basically made a nest on the floor in front of my couch, which I didn't mind at all. There was a glass of grape juice next to my side with a bag of smarties and a bowl of ice cream.

"So we have Pitch Perfect, Chernobyl Diaries, the Proposal, and She's the Man."

"Chernobyl Diaries."

He laughed, putting the blu ray in the player. "You would."

"Some like feel good movies, I like scary movies." I shrugged as he got comfortable. I would probably fall asleep on his chest within ten minutes. "I'm really going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you too. I'll be back before you know it."

I didn't believe him. Life was already moving slow with him trying to distract me from the problem at hand. It wasn't getting Addie down, I was trying not to let it get to me. But it was only the beginning and it was going to get a lot worse.

"Since we'll all be spending a lot of time together, I guess I should probably tell you that I have a girlfriend of a few months now." So, more serious than me and Robert is probably what he wanted to say.

"How come you didn't tell me earlier?"

"I didn't think it was that serious. She's only met Addie twice. She definitely doesn't love her as much as Robert."

"Mommy getting a boyfriend is completely different than daddy getting a girlfriend. She's daddy's little girl and she probably thinks that you're going to love this woman more than you love her." I told him. He was probably butt hurt about Robert, but I really didn't care. He knew that if Addie was ever with me, she came out to eat with us. Or we did whatever she wanted. And if Robert didn't like that he wouldn't be in my life.

"But that's not true."

"Then tell her. Don't tell me. I can tell her that you love her as much as I can but it's not going to mean anything until it comes from you." I got up to go to the nurse's station in search of something to drink.

"Long night?"

"One of the longest since the diagnosis. Just three more days until Robert gets back." I sighed, grabbing a bottle of water. "Jake just now decided to tell me that he has a serious girlfriend that might be coming around."

"Have Robert bring the team over. Upstage him." I laughed, shaking my head. "It's not a competition. But that would definitely win."

"You have a boyfriend that loves your daughter like his own. I've seen them when they're alone and I don't think another woman can compete with you. Just like Robert can't compete with Jake. But I'm sure it's a weird situation to be in."

That it definitely was.