I could blame you: for all of it. All the hope I’ve lost-the despair that fills the hollow empty cracks of what I have left. I could say it was your fault, mum. But that would prove I was weak, like you always thought I was.
I’ve lost count of the times you made me cry out in absolute pain. I can still remember those narrowed, greyish eyes of yours drilling its way through mine. I know you enjoyed that-to see me hurting. .It was your bitter revenge: to not be the only one in pain. The sheer terror I had felt every time you came near me, every time you touched my fragile skin. I remember every single minute of it-the way you treated me like I was worthless.
You cruel, merciless witch; I’m glad I’m rid of you
I hate you.
I love you.
I miss you.
Did you always have to be so heartless, even when I tried? And believe me, I did try. Oh, how I tried but you were always the same: spiteful, uncaring. Why did it have to be this way?
You have to realize why I left that day, the day I realized I wouldn’t take it anymore. No more of your piercing words, your brutal hands, your merciless eyes. Did you ever really love me, mum? Honestly?
Now, where am I? Lost in a world of desolation and sorrow, unable to find my way out. Every turn I make leading to another dead end. I can’t take this anymore, mum. You were right, you know, I always did take the easy way out. Filthy slacker, you called me, and you were right.
But I can’t take it anymore, mum, it’s my only option. It’s not like you’d miss me anyway.
Before I go, I just want to say sorry: for whatever I did- I never meant it. I just wished you loved me, mum. To hear you say those three words, mum but it’s too late now…
Darkness: infinite darkness.
But it’s OK, mum, I can see clearly now.
“When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty”
W.C Fields
