The Bear Hunter
John went bear hunting, but he showed up at the cabin where the hunters have gathered to hunt bears without a gun. The other hunters were very curious. “How are you going to get a bear without a gun?” they asked. “Do you have a knife?”
“No,” said the guy.
“Do you have a club?”
“No,” said John. “Don’t you worry. I am going to get myself a bear. Just wait and see.”
John left the cabin and disappeared into the hills for several hours. Eventually, he came upon a bear asleep in his den and he kicked the bear and got it really angry. As the bear woke up, he started to chase after John, so John started running down the hill and yelling, “Open the door! Open the door!”
They opened the door and John run into the cabin and held the door open behind him. To the terror of the other hunters, the angry bear followed close behind, running into the cabin, too.
Then John slammed the door shut, and said, “You skin that one. I’ll go get another.”
Alligator Shoes
Jim was on holiday in the depth of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some alligator shoes. However, he was not prepared to pay the high prices, and after having failed to haggle the vendor down to reasonable price level, he ended up shouting, “I don’t give two hoots for your shoes, man. I’ll go and kill my own croc!” to which the shopkeeper replied, “By all means, just watch out for those two man who are doing the same!”
So Jim went out into the bayou, and after a while he saw two men with spears, standing still in the water. “They must be the two man”, he thought.
Just at that point he noticed an alligator moving in the water towards one of them. The guy stood completely passive, even as the alligator come closer. Just as the beast was about to swallow him, he struck home with his spear and wrestled the alligator up onto the beach, where several were already lying. Together the two guys threw the alligator onto its back, where upon one exclaimed, “Darn! This one doesn’t have any shoes either!”
The Praying Bear
There was a man who was hiking in the woods one day when he came upon an angry bear. The bear stood up on its hind legs and growled ferociously, clearly preparing to charge. In panic, the man started to run, but the bear followed close on his heels. Finally the man came to a cliff. So he dropped to his knees and asked God to please make this bear a good bear.
To the hiker’s amazement, the bear suddenly stopped growling, fell to his knees and folded his paws together in prayer.
“Thank you, Lord!” exclaimed the man.
“Thank you, Lord!” exclaimed the bear, “For this meal I’m about to receive!”
The Speaking Parrot
Ted has a parrot that likes to swear and use bad words. Ted himself is a quiet, conservative type, and the bird’s foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it gets too much to bear. Ted grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him hard and yells, “CUT IT OUT!”
But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then Ted gets mad and says, “OK for you.” He locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cut loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make anyone blush. At this point, Ted is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few second there is terrible din. The bird kicks, claws, and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very, very quiet. At first Ted just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he’s worried enough to open the freezer door.
