I'm struggling.
I was doing so well,
But now you've got me falling,
Back under that spellI'm not strong like you
I'm not strong enough
To break myself loose
From these unbearable cuffs.I'm going out of my mind,
I'm going out of my head,
I sit in a chair and lose track of time.
I sit for hours, space'n out, without a word being said.I keep going over and over it asking myself why
But I know why, yet still it doesn't feel right.
We could have worked it out if you just gave me time
But then you never texted.
And I sat there staring at my phone slowly dying inside.I thought maybe we could take our time and limit it,
Spend some with God, in his word, and in his presence,
And then later, with you, I would spend the rest of it.
But you were insistent, emphasizing distance.Distance is a player in this game of life
But I've learned he never plays fair,
And he never plays nice.Distance by definition
Is to make something or someone far off
Or remote in nature or position.If distance is what you really need
If a break is what will help you to succeed,
Then by all means
I'll wholeheartedly embrace it, and I won't say a thing.However, if that IS what you think is necessary,
Then just say that plainly,
Because I will embrace that, too, wholeheartedly,
I will do it to the full, and I'm afraid it won't be temporary.I'll do it by the book until you call it quits,
But please tell me that you don't honestly expect
Me to treat you like I barely know you.
Because once you have a place in my heart,
You get all of me, or you get nothing, and that's the truth.A temporary breakup will be exactly that.
I'll be with you the way I am with everybody.
I'll slip into my armor, and put on that painted mask.
The mask you broke a few months back.
Back when you and I first started talking.That mask is all that I have left.
But I'll still put it on,
And I'll pretend you can't see through it,
Even though I know you can.I never wanted this silence.
And you tell me to have confidence
In the friends that you've been talk'n to,
But I don't even know them,
Do you really expect me to
Talk to them like I would talk to you?That's ridiculous.
Basically, what I'm saying
Is it's up to you.
Tell me how you want to handle this,
And tell me step by step what you want me to do.Because I will do as you ask.
We can put this thing on pause,
Take a little time we'd spend together,
And give it back to God.We can choose to not to send any texts.
Rely on the days we are face to face,
And do our best to make the most of those moments.Or, we can do what we've been doing,
And just call it what it is.
A temporary break up.
And just make a thing out of this silence.You choose.
It's up to you.
I'm sorry I can't write this letter
In the typical way.
But I'm a better writer than a speaker
Especially when I have something so important to say.- Sabrina
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