Reminiscence

six: glory against love

VI.

"Madame, are you okay?"

"Hmm? Yeah. What made you ask that?"

"Oh uh, it's just that you've been looking at that vinyl album for awhile now."

Jane's head immediately turns to the side, looking at her maid with a surprised look. She obviously didn't notice that she had been staring at the album in her hands for more than a minute, but well, she can't help it. The Elvis Presley album holds so much memories and so much meaning to her. Jane feels like if she looks at it a little longer, everything will return to what it once was and things would be better again. If her maid hadn't disrupted her, Jane's eyes would eventually fall out of their sockets from staring too long without blinking.

Thankfully, before Jane can even make up some lame excuse—like saying that she's a big fan of Elvis even though she only has one song of his stamped permanently in her heart—her phone rings.

They're both so startled that Jane drops Elvis as she scrambles to get her phone and her maid moves faster than the speed of light to pick up the album. Jane clears her throat and coughs a little before hitting the answer button. "Hello?"

"Oh thank goodness, I thought you'd never answer!" There's an involuntary smile stretching across Jane's face when she hears who replies. She missed her so much.

"Hi mom." She says sweetly.

"Don't you 'hi mom' me, young lady! I've called you countless times today and this is probably the first in forty tries that you've taken my call!" Jane can't help but giggle as she imagines her mother's face while she complains on the other side. 

"I know, I've just been so busy doing this game that I—" Jane cuts herself off as soon as she realizes what she was just about to spill out. She clears her throat before continuing. "—I mean, I'm doing this game for the reunion and you know me, I want it to be perfect so I just couldn't be bothered."

As expected, Jane's mom buys the excuse, although she still complains. "Hmph, putting games first before your own mother. Do what you want then and ignore the woman who raised you on her own and just cares so much that she wants to ask about your wellbeing!"

"Aww mom, don't be like that. Of course you're still number one in my priority list. I just really had to finish some important stuff." Like finishing a game made by my ex boyfriend, but Jane's mom doesn't have to know. Jane diverts the topic before her mom can ask. "How's your backpacking trip going by the way? Where are you now?"

"Oh dear, I'm at Korea at the moment and it's freezing cold that I feel like I'll turn into a popsicle anytime soon! But the food is great and I totally love—" Jane smiles at her mother's enthusiastic tone, happy with the fact that her mother is enjoying herself. She listens on to her mom's tales about the countries she visited until she's lost stories to tell, which takes at least ten minutes.

"I'm glad you're having fun, mom. You must be living the dream." Jane says.

Her mother sighs at the other end. "I am, and it's all thanks to my amazing daughter's success! I really don't know what I'd do without you, dear. I'm so proud that you chose to fulfill your dreams and reach this far."

Like a balloon being popped with a needle, Jane's happiness deflates. She forces on a smile to sound the least bit joyful. "Y-yeah. Anything for you, mom."

After a few more chatter and some 'I love you's, their conversation is finally over and Jane can slump in her seat with a blank face. She places the album back on her lap and begins staring at it again, this time with no other thoughts but memories about her mother. A particular scene flashes back in her head.

It was after one of Jane's coffee dates with him, a time when she got home to find her mother crying on the couch, curled up into a ball. Right in front of her mother was a mess of papers, pictures, and empty ice cream tubs. The scene broke Jane's heart.

"Mom? Mom, what's going on? What's wrong?" Jane ran up to her and put her arms around her, hugging her tightly. She scanned the chaos surrounding them, quickly putting two and two together.

"The memories are haunting you again, aren't they?" Jane guessed, already knowing the answer. It was rare to find her mom in that state, but whenever it happened, it bothered Jane, a lot. It always seemed like her mom was having a mental breakdown.

"He won't come back, why didn't he come back, why did I—" Jane shushed her mother's rambling and tightened her hug, reassuring her with words of comfort. She was almost close to calming her down, almost. Her mother's words caught her off guard.

"Don't end up like me, dear. Don't. Please don't. Don't fall in love and just focus on reaching your dreams. Just aim for success. Love will only hurt you."

Jane's grip on her mom went loose. She felt like crumbling down. "Mom, love doesn't—"

"You'll only get hurt! I don't want you to get hurt!" Her mother wailed, her cries dimming the whole room. She grabbed a pillow and sobbed into it, covering her pained noises. The scene was crushing Jane's heart more than ever. Jane could only look at her with overwhelming pity.

As much as Jane wanted to protest that he was different from the man who hurt her mother in the past, she couldn't. She had doubts about him as well, and those doubts were eerily similar to the doubts her mother had before she found out that she had been played with. Jane didn't want to think so, but it was hard to have different opinions from a mother with a broken heart.

Jane wanted her mother to be happy.

She wanted her to be happy so she traded her own happiness for the success her mother wanted from her. She just wanted her mother to stop crying over a man who never loved her and wanted her to see the beautiful things in life. She'd do anything to make her mother smile, even if that meant inevitable regret for Jane.

"Madame? Madame, you've been staring for a long time again."

Jane glances at her maid again, no longer surprised that she had been lost in thought. She gives her a rueful smile and sits up straighter. She holds up the album as she speaks. "Elvis just looks really handsome in this album."

Jane must be really good at acting, because her maid buys the excuse and laughs giddily. She replies with an ear-to-ear smile. "Oh, yeah he does! I'd totally do anything to go back to the past and be in his lifetime!"

Her maid's continuous praises and chatter drone out in Jane's ears as she looks out the window, a painful jab prickling her in the chest. She remembers a time when her mother made her choose between glory or love, and she got to answer her mother's question two years ago. Sighing, she unconsciously runs her hands on the album and lets out a quiet mutter.

"I'd do anything to go back to the past too."

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A/N: Some backstory for our main character. It's kinda suckish but I hope you liked it.