To Stop or Not stop a wedding

"What am I doing?" I wonder as I stand behind the ornate wooden doors that separate me, from the man I loved. As cheesy as all of this sounds it is my current situation. I slowly open one of the doors and slip in without a sound making sure the door behind me makes no sound. The church was lit up with the dangling chandeliers, straight and tall white rose bouquets lined the aisle. Classical music was played by violinists and the room smelled so sweet, like sugar. I saw the relatives of Aaron's that at one time would have been mine. Now, that is not the case. I am not in white, I am instead in dark navy, so dark it looks black. Might as well, I thought, my future is dead. I stand as tall as I can, as to not show how grieved I am. I shut my eyes quickly and think back over the good times.

Aaron and I met at a book signing, he was the author I was aspiring to be like. He was only 23 at the time and had accomplished Newbery Medals and National Book Awards. I was 19 and I had read every single line he created. The way his voice drew you in and surrounded you, like a mist, or a fog. I stood in front of him unable to breathe, and when he looked up at me, his blue eyes flashed, his mouth opened slightly and then, something magical. He slowly began to grin and took the book and asked,

"Who is this for?"

I stood start stuck for a few seconds until I came back to earth and said.

"Noell or Elle whatever." I looked to the side and touched my side braid.

He chuckled, signed, and gave the book back.

"Here you go, Noelle or Elle whatever."

I couldn't help but smile and hugged the book with my life. I looked at what he wrote and saw the inscription To Noell or Elle whatever, the stars are just the beginning.

I stayed in that book shop until his signing was done, just so that I could stay within the presence of this man.

The light became dim and I was now depressed for I would have to leave this moment in time. I stood up tightly holding my book and as I turned I bumped into him.

"Oh, sorry Mr. Holden." Embarrassed completely and wanting to leave I weaved past him, but he caught my elbow and my book dropped.

As he picked it up he said, "Noelle or Elle would you like to grab a drink with me?"

Speechless I made a sound that resembled a squeak, but I nodded.

He grinned and said,

"Follow me"

I followed him ever since. However, that fairy tale ended as all things do. I became more discouraged over the fact that my writing was never going to live up to his genius. He would offer me tips, but, like my red hair, I would quickly turn from water to fire, and lash out. I would say that he would never understand my struggle. When I would get difficult he would always take the book that brought us together and read what he wrote.

"To Noelle or Elle whatever, the stars are just the beginning." A tear would fall from my eye and we would embrace. I would look into his eyes and they would flash, as always. And then he kissed my cheek, forehead or hair, and rock me a little. He couldn't do that forever though and last August , a year ago, after 6 years he left. It was after a fight that lasted 7 hours, I started it saying that he was no longer helping me, his greatness was restricting me and he had it. He yelled all the things he held back. I became a wreck and in between hot tears and sobs, I yelled insults that struck deep to the bone. He walked to the door and the last thing he said was,

"You were my star."

With that we were done, he didn't even come to collect his things.

Now I'm standing here. Alone. A man walks up to me and asks,