Behind My Grey Eyes

Chapter 1

Dead Inside.

That's what I am, or at least that's what my councillor seems to think. Mrs Williams, or Lisa as she asked me to call her, is a tall, thin woman, with long, stringy light brown hair and judging blue eyes. She always listens to what I had to say, then nods and asks me the usual questions;

"How are you feeling today?"
"How do you really feel?"
"Do you like the weather?"

The answer to the first two is usually dead inside, but I don't tell her that, it would just make her think I'm crazy and that I need to be pumped up with more meds. Which, don't get me wrong, make me feel better, but in an inverse sort of way, like I'm better because I don't feel pain, but I also don't feel anything.

Truth is I haven't felt 'better' since before That Day. I don't know what else to call it, like what; The Day Everyone Died? That's even more depressing. Thinking about that actually makes me choke back a sob in the back of my throat.

Breaking away from moping, I try to start the day. I lift my head, my eyes having previously been staring at the duvet on my bed. The duvet is of a sunset, not really my style, well not really current me's style. My whole room actually looks like some hippy girl's room from the 60s, it almost sickens me, but then the thought that Grace and Lucy would have loved the room makes me hold back some thoughts.

The walls are a very bright yellow, with floor to ceiling plexiglass windows wrapping around two whole walls, giving a great view of Saffir Beach, not the institute, the actual beach. I love those windows, they're actually comforting, to see people bellow and imagine what they're doing, granted, I can't see their faces, only their slight silhouettes. The two window walls have white drapes over them that can be retracted, which they always are. My sunset bed is in the middle, it's comfortable, albeit a little too plush for a stomach sleeper. There are shelves on one of the actual walls, filled with books. The part about the shelf that I hate is the framed picture of Lucy, Grace and I. The picture was taken about a month ago, and I'm smiling widely, my arms wrapped around them. Lucy is grinning cheekily, because unknown to the camera, which can only capture a single moment, Lucy had just flicked Grace's glasses. Lucy always used to do that. Grace is smiling, although her smile looks slightly forced, probably because she was struggling not to flick Lucy back. I take careful note of our eyes, Lucy's eyes are bright grey, almost smiling themselves. Grace's brown eyes glitter in the phot because of the glare from her glasses lenses, and my own, my own look amused and fond, amused with Grace and Lucy, and fond of them. Fond of them, not absolutely cherishing them, because I didn't know our time together was limited, if only I'd known!! If only I'd known!

I tore my eyes away from the picture, tears falling down my face for the first time since I'd heard Officer Sanchez. That was the first time I'd truly looked at the picture, it was the only one I had of them here with me, I hadn't been able to not bring it.

I reluctantly look back at the picture, almost hungrily, not wanting to go about the day as if I hadn't just looked and seen my sisters. I noticed little things then, studying the picture, my skin was darker then Grace's, but almost the same as Lucy's. I notice that Lucy's straight short black hair must have taken her hours to straighten every morning, because naturally it was as curly as Grace and mine.

My thought were interrupted by a knock on the door.
"Come in!" I yell to the door, expecting Mrs Williams, but instead a much younger woman stepped in, she was petit, had long black hair and was Chinese. I thought her eyes were very kind looking, they look like she's always smiling. Always smiling, just like Lucy and Grace.

"Hello? Alice Tristitia?" She smiles gently at me, she must know I've never been out of the room.
"Yeah," I mutter back to her, suddenly quiet in the presence of a new person. Probably because I hadn't met anyone else at Saffir Beach, just Mrs Williams and now this woman.
"Wonderful, I'm Ms Li," she smiles at me. Excellent, she must be a new councillor. Wow, that even sounded sarcastic in my head.
"Why are you here ?" I ask her, probably slightly rude, but I honestly couldn't care anymore.
"I'm an intern here, I'm studying psychology," Ms Li said.