Honorary Grump Protocol

Part 1: Wait... WHAT?

"I was hanging out with Arin yesterday and he wanted to get me on some more Grumpcade episodes." Mark said, grinning happily. Jack smiled back and rolled his eyes.

"You're an honorary Grump though, that's not a surprise to anyone."

"You could be, too." Mark replies flippantly, as if it wouldn't be Jack's actual fucking dream come true. Jack scrambles up to sit on his heels, chair swiveling under him.

"What seriously? How??" Jack asks, bouncing a little in his seat. Mark laughs at him, tipping his head back. "Dude! I wanna' know! What do I have to do?"

Mark continues laughing, then sighs as he finally calms himself. "Gosh, Jack. You need to calm down. It's easy, ok..." His words dissolve into another fit of giggles. Jack waits impatiently, on the edge of his seat. He's dreamed of being a part of the Grump family for so damn long, dealing with Mark's shit is very nearly driving him up the wall. Finally Mark calms himself and he leans a little closer to his mic. "You gotta let them fuck you."

Jack stills completely, staring at Mark's flushed face on his screen. "Yer messin' with me, right?"

Mark shakes his head, "I'm dead serious."

"So what yer tellin' me... is that you, captain hetero, let a guy fuck you?" Jack asks in utter disbelief. There's no way someone who so vehemently denies being anything but straight would really do that. Mark has a tendency to make some pretty suggestive jokes, and Jack is certain this must be one of them.

"Uh. More than one..." Mark mutters, looking horribly embarrassed now. "I mean... All of the Grumps. Er.. most of them."

"All of them?" Jack squawks, eyes widening. "Are ya fuckin' serious right now?"

"I shouldn't have told you." Mark rubs at his face, which is more red than Jack has ever seen it in his life. And he's seen Mark in the middle of a drunk giggling fit before. "I should've known-"

"N-no, Mark.. I'm not judgin' you I swear on my life. I'm just surprised." Jack says, picking at the seam on his jeans. There's a long moment of silence before he speaks up again, in which neither of them look up at the screen. "I uh... So, if I wanted to do it... How do I go about askin'?"

"I can talk to Arin for you..." Mark says, glancing up into his webcam briefly. "But I should probably tell you the rules, so you know what you're signing up for."

"Alright, hit me." Jack cringes at his own words, worrying that perhaps that sounded a bit too suggestive. On second thought, he was legitimately discussing what sounded to be some kind of orgy, what difference would one slightly suggestive statement make.

"First rule: you have to bottom." Mark starts, licking his lips nervously. Jack felt his stomach twist up slightly, though it wasn't an entirely unpleasant thought. "That includes Suzy..."

"Wait what?" Jack asks, eyes widening.

Mark coughs and scratches at the back of his neck. "You gotta let her peg you. It's not as weird as it sounds honestly..."

"Jaesus... Alright, what else do I need to know?"

"When I say all of the grumps, I mean, like... Including Brian." Mark says, brows drawn together. "And there's no set order to it. That depends on everyone's schedule. Everything else from there is up to fate."

"Is that all?" Jack asks, a little reluctant to know. Gosh, if it get's any weirder than this he's not sure he'll be able to keep his head from imploding.

Mark hums and shrugs. He looks up directly into his web cam, lips twitching in a nervous smile. "Fucking honorary grumps is optional, but highly recommended." he says with a wink. Jack rolls his eyes, though he wonders if Mark is being serious. Knowing what he does now, it isn't completely out of the question. "Seriously though, take your time to think about this.. It's uh... kind of a big decision to make. And you'll have to make time to come down here, too."

Jack scrunches up his nose at the thought of having to prepare all those videos beforehand. That's always exhausting. "I'll probably be thinking about it a lot." Jack mutters.

Mark snorts quietly. "Well, sounds like you're pretty into it."

"Not like that, ya doof." Jack rolls his eyes, though he realizes Mark is right.