Brushed-off Feelings (Hiatus)

Chapter 4

"Erin, where have you been? I was worried sick. You don't usually stay out this late." Steph said as I entered our dorm room. "I thought you went to a party and didn't even invite me."

"Hey, what happened?" She probably saw the tear tracks from my cheeks. "Did someone hurt you? Tell me his name and I'll kick his ass." She said giving her version of a bad-ass chic.

"Okay, that's probably not true but I can call someone who can kick his ass."

That earned her a small smile from me. She might be a party animal but you can count on her in this crisis.

"Steph, don't worry, no one hurt me. I am the one hurting myself."

"Whoa, I didn't know you were into self-harm. But no worries, I don't judge." Steph said. This girl is the ultimate burden-lifter, if that is even a word.

"No, I'm not into that and never will. The hurt I'm inflicting on myself is emotional.

"What do you mean?" Steph asked.

"Do you know what if feels like to let go of someone even if you don't want to?"

"Honestly? I don't. If I love a person then I won't let go of them that easily. I'll fight for them unless they don't want me too.

"But circumstances are getting in the way of your decisions. The long distance separation, studies, doubts, all of them mixed together, suffocating you until you don't know what to prioritize anymore."

"Okay, where is this coming from? Is this how you and your ex broke up?"

I nodded.

"Then why are you asking me this? It's already in the past."

"I know but I'm confused. I've moved on. Or at least, I thought I did."

"Why's that?"

"My ex is in my arts class and he is my partner on a project."

"What? That's pretty messed up."

"Oh, you don't have any idea. We weren't acknowledging each other's presence since the start of semester until this morning. It was the first time we talked since our break up."

"What did he say? Is he angry? Is he indifferent?"

"He's the same. He sometimes hint about what happened between us but I just ignore it. I don't want to talk to him about it."

"Oh, the I'm-okay-even-if-you-broke-my-heart attitude with a bit of bitterness is the worst. Why don't you want to talk about it? As far as I can see, you need to find your closure to finally move on and I guess, he does too."

"I don't think I'm ready for that talk yet."

"So what are you planning now?"

"I don't know. I guess, I'll just fake it 'til I make it, or at least, until the project is done."

"I'll support your decisions. But I still think you need to talk to him" she said as she stood up.

"Now, how about you go with me to a party to keep yourself distracted. "

"Yeah, I think I need that."

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