Cigarette ashes, and thoughts of tomorrow. ©

Author:S.B.OReilly

I wrote this on a phone, please show respect.

A/N: This is a semi true story about my life, I say "semi true" because I can't remember the exact conversations with everyone in my past or all the out comes. But this is pretty much my life put into an eternity of me complaining, but still none the less true.

I always since I was a kid loved romance and wanted my life to be like Romeo and Juliet, yes Including the romantic suicide. But of course that's not how life is, now I'm not going to tell you a story were in a victim or a hero, because I'm just as much a part of the problem as anyone else. So sit back enjoy, and hate me afterwards. Thank you to all my fans, i truely and deeply appreciate all of you.

. prologue

7:40 am

This is a story about a boy, scratch that, a man with the personality of a small child, Living his ordinary and some what pathetic and most defiantly pained and lost life.

Now if you want a cute, funny romance, then this is the wrong story to read. If you want to read something fucked up, true and filled with ass holes including myself then please, be my guest and keep on reading rookie. So here is how it is, I've had a great childhood with colorful Christmas's and friendships that last forever. Now add domestic violence that would have cops over taking me and my siblings out of our home in the middle of the night, and friends that stab you in the back and cause dramatic ufc fights in every argument we have into the mix. And trust me plenty of good old fashioned heartbreak on both ends of the stick.

My name is Sean, and at this point I had a baby boy and a fiance. I was dragged from beautiful green home in Loveland Colorado to a desert with not so much as a Wal-Mart. Until my fiance left me and took my baby boy away, ( thank the gods she is a very good mom) leaving me in a home owned by her grandfather who hates my guts, alone and in my own little piece of hell.

If i was on a dating site my profile under hobies would read, " i like to stay awake all night siting in the freezer of a back room smoking a whole pack of cigarettes listening to depressing music that reminds me of my life events until i cough up a lung, then walk to the 24 hour restaurant when day light hits to pick up my only meal of the day, then contemplate on going to work with all the drunks at my job and then listen to them bitch until i want to go home and cut myself till i pass out." Would you blame me if I did? Okay, okay i will get to the beginning of this magnificent life line, so let me start from when it begin.

Entry I

If memory's remain

Hiding, I lay in my bed in a dark and lightly lit room, listening to the violence taking place just outside my bedroom door. My mind ignores these nightly events, because I couldn't do anything if I didn't hide myself in thoughts. I am 13 years old and a middle child of four. Yet i might as well be a only child, i couldn't help but think about being alone, and how useless I am. A large object hitting the floor outside my room snaps me out of thought.

" You're nothing but a cheating fat fucking whore!" I hear as I start to come to reality. I sigh as it continues.

"A woman coughing."

"how does that feel bitch! You should be use to not breathing, with all the dick you suck!" I hear my father scream more as I slowly maneuver out of my bed, opening the door. I look as I calmly enter the room, seeing my dad putting weight on my mothers throat. She cries out to me.

"Call the police, he's trying to kill me!" she reaches out as she calls to me, I give her a blank look approaching the front door to leave, ignoring my moms call to help. Making my way onto the front porch I notice my brother Heath riding up on his bike. He hears the screams coming from inside the house.

" What the fuck is going on?" he says jumping off his bike pushing pass me in haste, stopping for a second to turn and say to me.

" go over to aunts house, you don't need to be here." He then enters the house, shouting threats at our dad.

I stand out on the side of the road, feeling angry with tears running gently down my cheeks. Out of no were biting my hand to hurt myself, pushing my teeth into my flesh till I bled as to control my anger and sadness, then dropping on the curve.

" this is bullshit, I don't want to be here." I say to myself stumbling over my words as I hyperventilate.

"I wish everyone would go away." whispering as i sit, soon hearing cop sirens in the distance. I began pulling myself up to walk away from the house as quick as possible. " please, go away.." I began to run, anywhere but here.

If you wanted to run, would you?

To be continued