Death-Depression

Will It Ever Go Away?

[~~~time forward~~~]

I've been in my room almost all night. Most of the people have left and it's 1:36 a.m. I've been starring at this ceiling for hours now..once in awhile glancing at my phone. I haven't slept yet and don't plan on it.

I just sit there in my small room. It feels even more empty than ever before. I look at my phone and I'm still texting Emily and I get a text from her. She was trying to keep me smiling and happy.. But it just wouldn't happen. I kept looking, starring at this blank wall. Wondering and thinking about whats going to happen now? What am I supposed to do? I just sit there on my bed thinking of questions that no one can answer..

I hear people open their car doors to leave outside my window. I get up and go into the living room where my mom is. I look in there and see her on the couch. Red/black circles around her eyes. Clearly she's exhausted and wore out from all this, but I know she won't be able to sleep. So I won't bother her with the bickering back and fourth of wanting her to go to bed.

I just sit there beside her in awe..Cody,(my cousin) Andy, Edic and Ethan(my brothers) were all In the living room. We were all in silence. No one said a word and I felt like it was gonna stay that way for awhile. We were prolly just all thinking about our memories we had with Jim, Or at least I was.

Finally, Cody says something to brake the silence. "I will sure miss his spaghetti." We all laugh. Jim was a really good cook and could make almost anything out of scratch. It was quite amazing actually. He didn't like a lot of people in the kitchen when he was cooking though. He also didn't like it when I kept asking if it was done. But he got over it and we all ate a lovely meal.

I went back to my room and texted Emily that I was gonna try to get to sleep. Which I knew wasn't gonna happen. She replies," Ok goodnight. I'm here if u need me,anytime" I say thank you and goodnight. I plug my phone up and check the clock. Its now 2:57 a.m.. I lye back in my bed and feel so uncomfortable. I try to get comfy but I can't. So I just lye there in silence while starring back at that wall. My eyes start to hurt so I blink a few times and then I'm Ok. Everytime I blink I see an image of Jim.