Carefree

CHAP 1

@"I've always loved to sing. I right my own songs too. I just... Uhhhh. I just can't stop." I am currently telling everyone in my rehab facility my story. Love to sing, blah blah blah. Addicted to every pill and potion, blah blah blah.You know, the usual things I talk about everyday. "Can you Xaya?" I hear. "I'm sorry what?" I ask Lennox, a 16 year old drug addict / my best friend/ girl friend(I'm a lesbian) . "I asked if you could sing one of your songs for us." "I don't know, I-" "Pleasssssee!" She begged. Sometimes I hate her but I'm also in love with her. After 2 minutes of her doing the puppy dog eyes and whispering sexual desires in my ear, I gave in.

I eat my dinner in the bathtub.
Then I go to sex clubs.
Watching freaky people getting it on.
It doesn't make me nervous.
If anything I'm restless.
Yeah I've been around and I've seen it all.
I get home I got the munchies.
Bingeing on my Twinkies.
Throw up in the tub and then go to sleep.
And I drank up all my money.
Days are getting lonely.

Your gone and I gotta stay high.
All the time.
To keep you off my mind. Oh oh. Oh oh
High all the time, to keep you off my mind.
Oh oh. Oh oh.
Spend my days locked in a haze, tryna forget you babe
I fall back down. Gotta stay high. All my life to forget I'm missing you.
Oh oh. Oh oh

I stopped at that part as everyone clapped. But I notices Lennox was a little upset. After the meeting was over, Lennox and I went to my apartment. Unlike Lennox, I wasn't a rich princess. She was the definition of a cliche but I loved her. "Lenny what's wrong. You were all upset every since I sung my new song." She sat there crying and I didn't understand why so I wrapped her in a bear hug. "Xaya... Are you.. Um. Gonna break up with me?" She asked. Why would you ask that? Then I remembered. The song I wrote about my habits. "Lenny you know that song wasn't about you. It was about my...mum." It was and I didn't want to tell her why I wanted to forget about her. I wasn't ready. She just replied with oh and fell asleep while I sung her a lullaby I wrote about her and my mum.

And all I remember, is your back.
Walking towards the airport leaving us all in your past.
I traveled 15 hundred miles to see you.
Begged you to want me, but you didn't want to.

But piece by piece she collected me.
I'm off the ground for you abandoned things.
Yes piece by piece she, filled the holes that you burned in me at 6 years old.
She'll never walk away. She never ask for money. She takes care of me. She loves me. Piece by piece she restored my faith. That a girl can be kind, and a mother could. Stay

When me and Lennox met, she was pregnant. So we have a 2 year old daughter. I hate that Lennox was raped. And I wish I could have helped her. She was at her dads house for the day while we went to the Rehab Center.

When I was done Lennox was sound asleep.

Only one thing to do.

Smoke!