Escape the dark kisses| BOOK 1

Let these wings fly

Part 1 ▶

...And the way i was looking to the far sky that keeps on convencing us each night that its stars are close enough to touch, was not at all the way my heart wants to fly.
.. Because my heart was wilder.

But when the train you're on, stops in the middle of no where, late at the coldest night... you may get lost, as you may find yourself for the very first time.

I was sleepy... Kind of bored of the long trip. Gravity couldn't catch my thoughts... And the way I felt alone there, was a bit annoying.. But still okay for me.

I walked out of my cabine leaving an old lady sleeping there, I tried to understand what's going on around... All most everybody here were sleeping... Then I saw him. Him? Yes... A classy man with eyes wide opened staring at the snow through the blurry glass of the window, he was in early 30's I guess...

I opened his cabin door after few failed knocking with my cold hands... he didn't make a move...
... maybe because my moves where slightly silent... I thought then I said to him

"sir... I felt asleep... and probably, all these people on the train as well, so I don't know what our station is now, you seem wide awake, can you please tell me where are we now... and, why the train has stopped for too long in the middle of nowhere?..."

he stared at me with denying careless nods. Like he was saying I'm wide awake, but I have no idea what's going on around me... so I added to my words:

"it's okay... you have right anyway, it's late at night ... are you alone? I mean can I stay here for a while... I mean... everybody's sleeping and... it feels awkward out there... not awkward but, I have a strange feeling so.."

I stopped talking, and it was the way he was looking at me that stopped me... he had empty eyes, like he was staring at nowhere, like I didn't existed in his vision limits... I felt confused, I took a few steps back. And went back in time in my mind as well...

To Russia... I wanted to learn ballet there... That's where i'm going already...
But the way I dreamed was not the way I moved and took steps towards it, and the way i cried about it at nights made it worthy each day... Until that day has finely came.
The day i dicided to leave everything behind and create my own life that probably everybody around me is not accepting it... with its ups and downs, with its glory and its darkness or its lights that they've never allowed me to see...

I lived with my father, a stepmother and an older sister that got married and fell into normality that they wanted to make me fall into at the age of 19... So i escaped

... And this train; is my first doorstep toward myself. I somehow found myself here with my few packed up things... Heading to Russia... Where my grandmother lives. As i somehow found myself infront of this strange cold man... That i lost my breath and my words as well in his silent...

The melody of his eyes is mindblowing, his dark green eyes... were empty enough to get loud... his comfort... his dark hair and that little notebook he held disordered my thoughts... so I got nothing left but staring at him as the same as he do... then i said...

"I'm sorry for disturbing your privacy"...

I was about to leave when his strong voice finely came out and said: Stay...

I couldn't believe my ears... it's like he was thinking from the moment I showed up in front of him until now to spell a word. I stopped and slowly turned to see his eyes fixed on me... I didn't know what to say or what to do... so he stood up... got closer from me and slowly closed the cabin door after pulling me with his cold hands in...

"You should stay..."
he added,

Suddenly... a weird noise came from the outside... the dark outside that became gray with the fine light of moon, and the whiteness of the soft snow...
I was about to get closer from the window's glass to nourish my curiosity when his cold hands touched me again and got me down saying

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

So weird, I stopped talking so he started it... and the whole situation was weird as well... I can't feel his breath... I can't stare in his eyes for too long... he misbalances me... not my heart beats, but only my mind... I feel blown up, and at the same time I feel so relaxed...

To keep you wilder, and to see the sun from the lowest point of the earth, to heal your fever, and to learn how to kiss the lights; you feel it all, when you let it all behind... to make it worth it... is what matters the most at some moments in your life... Escape the law of your mind, and never fall into the heart's kingdom, because it's blind... you belong to nowhere, and nowhere belongs to you, that's how you have to live, with never cutting your wings out, but by letting them grow... fly with them...

that's what mom used to tell me when I was a little girl that got scared all most of everything... she helped me grow wilder... but I never had the chance, to show her my flying..

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