Silence

The last thing I remember is the gleam in his eyes while he was on top of me. He wasn't just on top of me, he was inside me. He had been texting me for weeks. Telling me how beautiful I was and how much he wanted to hang out with me. He convinced me that he loved me. I went to his house for a party. He automatically gave me a drink. I didn't ask questions. I didn't wanna seem like a pussy. He was 18. I was 15. I chugged the odd tasting drink that was obviously alcohol. What I didn't know was that he had put some drug in the mixture. I remember bits here and there but I wish I didn't remember. Anyway let's skip to the bedroom scene. I have very vague memory of it. I remember looking at him and seeing a bright light that appeared to be coming from his phone. I didn't realize he was taking pictures of me. I was naked but I wasn't aware of it. I remember him choking me until I nearly passed out. I didn't know what I had done. I thought he loved me. But if he loved me, why would he have hurt me like that?. I had heard that the first time was supposed to hurt, but I didn't know that meant getting my head slammed into a wall...

It started when I was maybe five, the beatings. My birth mama was a bitch. She locked me in her bedroom closet every time she had a guy over. I sat in the closet in silence, listening to them get high or drunk before undressing. I remember one time, the outside room went silent, so I asked,"Mama? Can I come out now?" I heard heavy footsteps that seemed angled in my direction. Next thing I knew I was in a hospital bed with my pa next to me, no one else, just him. I was later told that my mama had beaten me and my body went into shock to protect itself. Growing up wasn't fun, obviously. I moved from foster home to foster home after that. I was still majorly messed up from the previous events with my birth mama. Eventually the dumb ass CPS people let me go home to my dad. By this time I was 13. I am WInter Blake. It wasn't until my 15th birthday that things started to go wrong. I started hanging out with the wrong people. They did all sorts of drugs, so I did too. I started with weed, than I moved to pills and such. I knew that eventually I would be into shit like Heroin or Speed. You remember that guy I mentioned?, yeah his name is Tommy. He was a drug addict as well. He invited me to a party and my dumb ass showed up. He drugged me. And you all know what happened after that..You remember how I said Tommy took his phone out? He posted all the pictures he took of me that day. When I found out the next day, I flipped the fuck out. I was yelling and screaming at everyone, even those who were close to me. I was on edge. I got pissed about the tiniest things. And of course you can understand why.

I guess one of my 'friends' tipped off my parents about my drug use because my parents had found all the pills I had hidden in my drawer and had brought my entire family to the house. So I ran upstairs and slammed my door. My dad followed. I don't know how he found out about Tommy but he did-must have been the same 'friend'. I thought he was going to talk about the drugs...I was wrong. "I need to know. Now. Did you sleep with that boy? The one who posted those pictures?" He was not happy. "No. I didn't" I was trying to remain calm but that wasn't so easy in a situation like this. "Now you best be honest with us." My dad was angrier now than he was before. "Okay..Okay..I don't know. I might have..I just..I don't remember..." I was crying at this point. "DO YOU EVEN KNOW THE SERIOUSNESS OF WHAT YOU JUST SAID?!?!?!" My dad was no longer holding back his anger. Jade (Technically step-mom) came in just as my dad punched a hole in the wall. She had been outside the door the whole time. I ran into the bathroom and put my back to the door. My parents rushed into my room. Jade changed the direction of the 'conversation'. "Baby, c'mon. I know you know that we are sending you to a rehab. It's the same one that your friend April was sent to." This time the voice was soft, Jade no doubt. "April was NOT my friend and you know it!" I yelled back through the door. "Okay you wanna play that way? You can either come out of the bathroom and we'll take you there TONIGHT or we can call the security and you will be dragged out by two complete strangers!" My dad was getting angry. His tone of voice was not pleasant. "NO I WON'T GO! I WANT TO KILL MYSELF!!!"I was crying, the makeup streaming down my face was giving me a rash. I didn't care at the time. I locked the door and ran to the cabinet behind the mirror. There was a bottle of pills. Jade heard the shaking of the pill bottle as i ran to get water. "NO!! Honey don't. Just calm down. It'll be alright I promise. Just listen to me. Or I'll listen to you which ever you'd like. Just calm down." I hated Jade but she was much more understanding than my dad. "You have ONE chance. And only one." I said walking back towards the door, the pill bottle still in my hand. "Alright, alright. Just come with us tonight. It will be easier and you know it. You're a good person, you just need a little help finding your way. Everything will be okay. Just let us help you..." Her speech wasn't to convincing but I didn't see what I had to lose. "Fine." I through the pill bottle on the floor and slowly opened the door. My step-mom barged in the second she got the chance. She embraced me tightly.