Behind the Scenes of Life

Prologue

Prologue:

A few weeks ago- a month actually- my life changed irrevocably. Chace walked back into my life after precisely five years. Five long years that did me well as it gave me the opportunity of figuring out whatever twisted feelings I had for him, and to get over it. I used to have a major crush on Chace in High School and well… as much as I’d like to say our relationship had a fairytale ending, it didn’t. That could possibly be because there was no relationship. We finished High School and I had already made up my mind long time ago that I was going to move, and that is what I did. I studied in America and started a new life there. Now I have a wonderful job working as a network administrator for one of the biggest companies in LA, I have a luxurious apartment and a wonderful best friend, Tisha. Honestly, without all these things in my life keeping me sane, I don’t know how I would have survived. Let me take you back four weeks ago. I was heading home after a rather tiresome day at work- what with one of our servers crashing- when suddenly I crashed into Chace. And I mean it, I literally crashed into him! I wasn’t looking where I was okay-yes it was my fault- and then I slammed into him. You can imagine how shocked I was, I mean I never expected to see this guy in my life again, and then boom by some miracle- or curse- here he was. Long story short, he was just as shocked as I was and he insisted we grab something to eat to, and I quote “catch up”. I found out what had happened in his life in those five years. He was living out his dream as a pilot, but was thinking about moving into a different career completely. In his words, he had seen all there was to be seen. We hung out more frequently during the next few days, and no I did not as you might think, fall in love with him again. We were just two friends getting reacquainted with one another. It was all friendly and it felt good. It was all I had ever wanted, to be with him and not have my heart start beating as if it were trying to win some non-existing race inside my body. All I saw him was as a friend, like I had practised myself to for five years now. Sure the old feelings were still there, but to a lesser scale. Things had changed, I had changed. I feel the same way towards him as I feel towards my dog, okay wait, that’s not an accurate comparison- I love my dog. Anyway I am not going to bore you with all the excruciating details of Chace… In actual fact he’s not that angel you might think he is, he’s actually really arrogant and I remember- here I go again. I’m going to stop talking.

I check my watch. In an hour Chace should be here to pick me up. Today was my birthday and not just any birthday, my crown birthday. I was 23 and Chace wanted to celebrate the day with me. I wasn’t really planning to do anything to be honest. Birthdays come and go right? They were just another reminder of your horrible existence on this planet right? Or so I used to think when I was still depressed in High School- but that’s another story that I might still tell you.

I move to the mirror in my bedroom to fully examine how I look. I’m wearing a black evening dress- courtesy of Chace, not the actual birthday gift- my black hair is loose and straight and I am wearing some natural make-up. I look deep into my dark brown eyes in the mirror. I have a creamy sun-kissed complexion and I feel better than I did in a long time. Despite telling myself not to, I feel excited. Chace had taunted me with the idea of a gift and I was really curious. He didn’t give any clues and I was going to have to wait until the restaurant.

A short while later my doorbell rang and I knew it was Chace. Taking one last glance around my apartment to check if I had everything, I left.

It was at the restaurant that I really took time to take in the beauty of Chace. Not really, his beauty- I admit I do find him attractive- but what I really meant was that I took a few minutes to just really look at him. Afterall, in my head I was never supposed to see him again. Part of the reason why I left was to start anew and try to forget about the heartache, and here Mr Heartbreaker was himself. I groan inwardly. I still can’t decide whether I’m glad to see him or not. I like to believe the latter.

Sitting across him at the round table in the cute little Italian restaurant, I notice that he hasn’t changed much. He’s older sure, still the same smouldering blue eyes, short cut black hair, light complexion and killer smile. I am surprised to find that my heart beat has remained relatively steady. Sometime during our brief catch-up conversation, the waiter brought a bottle of fine red wine.

Our conversation was your usual ‘how have you been’ conversation. It went along the lines of, “ how are you?”, “ what have you been doing?”, “how’s life been?”. All boring actually. The past few weeks that we have been hanging out has actually been wonderful, I didn’t expect it to be. It was in my opinion certainly not of him to make sure you have a good time, for him it was all about image. His. He has actually been thoughtful and kind, and he’s like the perfect gentlemen. I still don’t understand what he’s up to, and I’m not sure how any of this benefits him. Assuming it does. I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt now.

“How has work been Jane?” he asks me snapping me out of my little reverie.

“ Work?” I look up at him. “It’s been good actually. How about you? Still enjoying flying around?”

He smiles. “Yes I do still enjoy it although it’s not something I want to do for my entire life. I’m thinking about going into business actually. Something new”

There is awkward silence for a while and then he begins to speak again. “I can’t tell you how happy I am to have you in my life again” He unexpectedly takes hold of my hand and gives it a slight squeeze. “I-“

He pauses and then takes an audible breath. I see a brief flicker of some unknown emotion in his eyes. “ I’ve never been one to speak about my feelings so this is really hard.”

I silently agree with him.

He continues. “But I do however think that I should just come out with it. It’s been five years and that’s a long time of bottling up feelings.”

“Chace you’re making me nervous, you don’t have cancer do you?”

He lets out a short nervous laugh and shakes his head. I take a sip of wine just to give my hands something to do. He decides at this moment to blurt out whatever he’s been keeping in.

“I’m in love with you. I’ve always been”

I spit out all my wine that I was about to swallow back into my glass and nearly choke. He squeezes my hand again.

“You okay?”

I just nod. I don’t trust my voice.

I have always wondered what it would feel like to have a guy say something like that to you. It was like a dream to me. I always pictured Chace saying that to me, but reality really defied my expectations. It felt good to hear him utter those words and it made me feel emotions I have shut down for a very long time. That he would have that effect on me…  It felt wrong, though. Wrong and unfair.

His words trigger memories of a long time ago. It takes me far away. To the place of five years ago, or rather eight years ago. Which puts me into year ten at The Seashore High school as a young girl, completely oblivious to the treachery of life.