Inoperative

Chapter 10

        I roll over, fixing the blankets around my shoulders. Marcus lays so close to me that I'm getting most of his warmth, but even so, I'm still freezing. I part my eyes just the tiniest bit and see Aiden laying on a log a few metres away, watching for any danger. I wonder what time it is. Probably midnight.
He sips slowly from his drink bottle and I'm suddenly in awe of his perfection. It's been two weeks since we arrived at the lake and I've spent almost every waking moment with Aiden. It was getting really hard to keep the feelings down when I was near him. When he smiled with those perfect teeth, or laughed. That musical sound. Or when he just looked at me with those gorgeous blue eyes. I always had to look away because I'm afraid that one day, I'll meet his gaze for too long and I'll end up doing something stupid like kissing him or running my fingers through his jet black hair.
I reposition my pillow so that it's not blocking any of my view of him. I stare intently at his perfect figure lounging on the log, bathed in the silver glow of the moonlight.

Suddenly, he looks over at me. He looks surprised for a moment so I quickly close my eyes and pretend to go back to sleep.
After about a minute, I open my eyes back up again and he's still looking at me. He has a weird look on his face as he stares at me. It's almost like he's trying to figure me out. I reach out and grab an extra shirt from my backpack and pull it over my head. Climbing out from underneath the warmth of the blanket, I walk towards him. He almost loses his balance as he watches me approach him. He quickly moves over so that there's space for me and I sit down next to him.

"What?" I ask quietly after a long moment.
He's still staring at me and I can feel his gaze slowly penetrating my personal bubble.
He clears his throat and says, "Nothing, it's just. . . Why were you staring at me?"
My breath hitches in my throat. "I wasn't staring. My eyes were simply scanning past your general vicinity."
He just shakes his head and takes another gulp from his water bottle.
"You never told me about your step-dad," I remind him.
I had tried to bring it up a couple of times now but he kept changing the subject or someone would interrupt us. He looks at me for a moment.
"Do I have to tell you?" he asks.
I shake my head slowly. "I want you to though."

He sighs, twirling the water in his drink bottle around.
"My mom, she. . . she dated him for a little while. He was always horrible. An alcoholic. . . addicted to drugs and gambling. Anyway, one day, he ran out of money so he lost his house and moved in with us. Not long after, Brendan was born." he looks up at me for a moment. "Soon enough, he used up all of our money too. He always went out and drank loads of alcohol and he would come home and he would. . . hurt us. I used to hide Brendan in his cupboard but I wouldn't let my mom take all of the damage to herself. He would kick us both. . . Punch us. Pull our hair. He even broke my leg once."
"That's horrible. . . " I say, trailing off.
"He was. Anyway, I got through it and now I'll never have to see him again," he says, brushing off the subject.
"But you do still see him, don't you?" I ask.
He shakes his head. "How could I see him while I'm out here?"
"You see him in your nightmares?" He stays silent for a minute in confirmation of my assumption. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"
"Tell you?" he asks incredulously. "You hated me, for one, and the other was that you never opened up to me. How could you expect me to fully open up to you when you wouldn't tell me anything. I still have no idea about anything that happened in your life."
"Well, um. . . My father left before I was born. I can't remember if he died or just left and I was ripped from my mother's arms when I was about, four."

We just look at each other as we both wallow in our own pits of self misery. His fingers lightly brush my cheek and shivers go rocketing down my spine. I'm suddenly hyper aware of his closeness. His leg that is just brushing mine, his hand that is now cupping my face and his hot breath that I can feel tickling my nose. He moves his gaze from my eyes to my lips. He lingers about an inch away before he finally closes the distance. His warmth embraces me as his lips brush past mine.
Again, the shivers shoot down my spine and sparks dance across my skin. He presses harder against me and my brain suddenly clicks on.
What the hell are you doing?! You can't do this!
I quickly shove him away from me and my hands come up to my lips, covering them.
"I'm sorry—" I begin but he cuts me off.
"It's fine. I get it. Just friends," he says.
"Aiden–"
"Go back to bed Amara. You're on next watch," he orders.
"But, I'm–"
"Please. Go. I don't really want to see you right now."
I move slowly back to Marcus' side and lay down beside him. What have I done? My stupid brain couldn't even let me have one moment? The truth is, I really enjoyed that kiss. It was obviously my first one ever and it was amazing. Then, I just had to ruin it.