Drain out whatever is left
the blood, the pain, the memories
leave me empty, not shattered
a hollow remainder
of what I used to be
but I never used to be like this
the smiles were conjured from
anything that made me purely happy
and that's nothing anymore
because I find myself lost
in this crowd of circus freaks
and that's what I am
what I seem to be
a freak
and I know that deep inside
something is wrong with me
whether it's the addiction or
the thrill of being a masochist
because the pain hurts
but what would I do
without it?
without the pain and
memories of a red
distorted life filled
with anti depressants
and blood
I would be nothing
so instead of building a wall
around my heard to protect it
I shatter it
because walls can be destroyed
and you can't break something
already broken
the big question is why
and I don't know the answer
unless I look deep down inside
I know what it is
and I know what caused it
because while they danced in
the basement and waited
for the flowers, I was the
odd one out,
the freak
and I always dreamed of
having what they always got
for free
and I paid the price
but received nothing in return
yes, the one word that brings
so much pain to one individual
Beauty.
something I always wanted
yet never had as I wished
upon the stars and prayed to
whatever God was listening, but
when that didn't work and
I found God wasn't there, I
turned to the Devil because I
knew he existed
deep in my heart as I lust after
pills, sex and destruction
and I made deals with him
hoping to get what I never
once had, so I paid every
price and I still never got it
and once I realized that it
was something I'd never have,
I began to drown
in the blood from the open
burning cuts and scars
on my pale skin while
I puked it all up just for
Perfection and Beauty.
