Gerry's Family Fun Zone

Untitled Part 9

I asked all of my friends, my parents, teachers. And I always got the same response: what are you talking about? And that made me more curious. Is this beautiful girl putting me on? Or does she have a wild imagination? Because according to Caroline, this legend was as famous as Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster or whatever.

Are you sure you weren't asking the right people?

Google it. You'll find absolutely zero about Uncle Gerry's Family Fun Zone. And if a legend is that famous, wouldn't it have some presence on the internet nowadays? Anything at all? Zero results. That's pretty incredible. And back then, it wasn't just people I knew. I joined the newspaper club, mainly out of this incredible fascination to find out more about this girl and why she was obsessed with this legend that didn't exist. And we interviewed dozens of people for the story - historians, cops, librarians. We got a lot of strange looks. No one had ever heard of Uncle Gerry's. Which only made me more curious.

Did you guys get together? I know you started dating in college. I didn't know you had a history.

Not really. I mean, almost. Caroline had this pull on me that was hard to explain. We were spending a lot of time together. And she was gorgeous and funny, and motivated, man, just motivated to find out more about this Uncle Gerry's place. And I liked it. Even when I thought she was maybe a little crazy, I liked it. But she wasn't crazy.

So it was real?

Here's the thing. We had no clues or leads, and I was just hoping she'd give up. You know, drop the whole thing and we can start dating and doing normal teenage things or whatever. But one night - and, shit, I haven't thought about this in forever - I was up late cramming for a test, and I see this bundled up old guy walking down my street. Just kind of putzing along, and the guy looks like he's two hundred years old. And he stops at the end of my driveway, reaches into his overcoat, pulls something out and slips it in my mailbox. And I was like, what the hell is this? I stand up, and he snaps his head and looks right at me. It was freaky, just freaky. I dive down on the floor and don't have the balls to look outside for another ten minutes. By that point he was gone.

What did he put in the mailbox?

I found out in the morning. It was directions. Scribbled on a napkin. Weird-ass directions, like drive down this dirt road and look-for-the-tallest-tree-then-turn-right type directions. I immediately knew it had something to do with Uncle Gerry's. I just knew it.

Did you tell Caroline?

Here's the thing, I...(pauses)...and this will sound terrible, and I can't believe I'm telling someone, but...here's what happened. This Uncle Gerry's thing had been going on for weeks. And I know I said I liked the fact that Caroline was obsessive over it, but things turned weird quick. She kept coming over to my house to hang out, but she didn't seem too interested in me. She was more interested in my brother, who was two at the time. And, God, it's hard to explain, it wasn't like a normal 'I like playing with your brother' thing, it was...creepy. The way she looked at him, it was almost like she needed him for something. That she was going to snatch him. Like we'd come home one day and David would be gone, and it was because Caroline took him.

Wow, I...

I don't expect you to understand any of this. It doesn't make any sense, but I felt it. I'm telling you, it was real. In my heart, I had this hideous feeling it was all related to this Uncle Gerry's Family Fun Zone obsession. I thought Caroline was looking for this place and was going to offer up my brother as some form of a sacrifice. Just saying it sounds so messed up. You probably think I'm yanking your chain. I mean, this is my wife we are talking about here. This is Caroline.

It's fine. You don't sound like you're lying.

I wouldn't. Not about this.

Did you tell anyone?

No. They'd probably think I was the crazy one. The whole thing was insane beyond belief. But I had to know what she was up to, so here's what I did. I told Caroline I'd found directions to Uncle Gerry's - told her they had been folded up in some library book about the town's history or something. I gave her directions to the place, and I told her I'd check it out first. But here's the thing: I gave her the wrong directions.

What do you mean?