Letting You Go Was The Hardest Thing

Letting You Go Was The Hardest Thing - Chapter Six

As you subtly hinted, more like demanded me to update. Here you go baby doll! ;-D

Letting You Go Was The Hardest Thing

Copyright © 2011 All rights reserved

Chapter Six

There are different ways in showing discomfort.

       One would fidget with the hem of their shirt like it is the most interesting piece of wonder in the world. The other is when one would look around, avoiding eye contact with the person. Shifty eyes, if you must call it, or the wandering eye. The other is rocking the balls of their feet back and forth as though having trouble keeping still.

       These were common reactions of being nervous. However, mine is sort of... weird.

       Gross even.

       As I gaze upon Dalton's handsome face, I had this sudden urge to go happy poo poo. I know, I know! Very weird, but the nervousness I'm feeling made me want to bolt right out of there and head straight for the bathroom.

       Not an appropriate reaction, but this is me... dealing with such emotion.

       As we stood silent, rooted to the ground, it amazes me after four long years, I am still standing upright even though on the inside I am ready to crumble in front of him. Dalton was my strength, yet, at the same time, my weakness and this confrontation - which obviously I was not ready for - scares the life out of me.

       Looking at his face, he tried so hard to keep it blank and impassive, but his eyes gave everything away. His spectacular green spheres were in an emotional catastrophe; he couldn't keep those emotions steady as they'd jump from one to the other, and in less than a minute, it zeroed on determination.

       I don't know if that resolve was a good thing, and then, Dalton broke the awkward silence by asking, "Why?"

       Of all things, he just had to choose that?!

       "What do you mean?" I asked, trying to look confused by his question. I could have tossed a dime at my feet for putting on an Oscar winning performance material, because from the looks of it, Dalton looked frustrated.

       "Oh, you know what I mean, Charlie," he said, gritting his teeth. "Why did you leave without saying goodbye?"

       Do I really have to answer that? Do I? Part of me wanted to tell the truth and confess my love for him, but the other part was telling me to be a b!tch and tell him to shove it up his butt.

       But instead, I lied; and it was easier.

       "Because I didn't know what to do," I said, looking straight at his now hard eyes. "I know we planned on staying here in Colorado for college, but when I got accepted in UCLA, it was an opportunity I couldn't pass up."

       He laughed, void with humor that matched the hard glint in his eyes. "So leaving without saying anything was the right thing to do?" he asked and I nodded, and that intensified his humorless laughter.

      "What do you take me for, Charlie? A heartless son of a b!tch?" he asked rhetorically, crossing his arms over his chest. "I could have understood if you would have told me, but you chose to be selfish. I thought that we're best friends?"

       I closed my eyes shut, willing this conversation to be over. He should have not gone there, at all. "You wouldn't understand, Dalton and I'm sorry," I told him quietly. "It's too complicated."

 'I can't believe he had to go there,' I thought and then, I opened my eyes to look at him again. "But best friends?" I asked, chuckling about the irony of it all. "That's funny. Ever since you started dating my sister, we rarely hanged out, or better yet, ditched me when we planned on doing something, but no, you were too busy to hang out with me. Hell, you're always at my house but where were you half the time? Not with me, but with my sister, and hell! I felt like I was being ignored!" I roared the last part, not able to control myself anymore.

       At this point, my breathing was ragged, my heart beat thumping widely out of my rib cage. Who the hell does he think he is, to tell me that I was the only one who had been in the wrong? I admit, leaving without saying anything was my fault, and I'd admit it without thinking twice, but he was no angel too, and most certainly not a saint.

       Though it was understandable that nothing would be the same after I denied him, but completely discarding me like trash was just taking the piss.

       When he was about to say something, I continued on my rant, preventing him from saying any further. "Remember you promised to make it up to me by taking me out to see a movie?" I asked him, jogging his memory.

       He furrowed his eyebrows and nodded. "Yeah, I remember. What about it?" he asked me, very unsure, but his eyes looked wary.

       I can't forget that day - not by a long shot. If letting him go had my heart crumbled into pieces, never to be put back again but that day when I went to his house to look for him had my whole being disintegrated into dust particles.

       "When you didn't come over to my house at the expected time," I began and my heart clenched at the memory, "I went to your house to look for you. Your mom told me you were in your room, so when I was about to barge in there and screech your head off, I heard you moaning my sister's name and her, telling you to go harder. So yeah, you practically ditched me to go have wild sex with my sister," I said, smiling at him sardonically.

       Dalton's expression became pained. I admit that seeing him like this had me smug, truimphant even, but the other side of me that loved him had me feeling guilty, but it needed to be said, even though I was dodging from telling the truth.

       Finally, he let out a shaky sigh and moved a bit closer to me. I wished he hadn't done that. I needed distance and close proximity's didn't bode well especially for us.